JOHN:
You're Izzy Freakin' Riddle!
You don't understand
you're a legend, man,
to us all!

Every son and daughter--

JOHN & THE KIDS:
[spoken] "SAFE!"

JOHN:
... From You-Know-Who,
all because of you!
You were small,
but I wonder if you can recall...

[CHORUS: Oooo...]

JOHN:
Long story short,
your father,
[whispered] "Voldemort"
was super cruel...

IZZY:
[spoken] "Voldemort?"

THE KIDS:
[GASP!]
"SHHH!!!"

CHORUS:
[Oooo...]

JOHN:
... Your mother tried to kill you, yes she did
and this is where it gets intensely cool...

Even though you were a tiny little girl,
you shoulda died but you survived and then beat
this evil witch and it's story we enjoy to tell....

JOHN (spoken):
You got her sent to Azkaban!

JOHN & THE KIDS (sung):
You're Izzy Freakin' Riddle!
We don't prefer Gandalf,
Merlin, or Oz,
You're a whole lot hotter!
With that lighting scar,
you're a superstar to us all!
If we're in trouble we know who to call!

[DANCE BREAK]

RITA SKEETER:
You're Izzy Freakin' Riddle!
I wouldn't wince at all,
you're invincible to all harm!

Like Betty Crocker--

RITA SKEETER & THE KIDS:
[Oooh!]

RITA SKEETER:
... I wanna eat you up!
No one'll beat you up
with that charm!
Remember, Izzy, kid,
you're the Boss,
you're the Queen,
you're the Bomb!

IZZY:
But this is all so sad,
I mean, my Daddy
was killed, long ago...

THE KIDS:
[Long ago they he died]

IZZY:
... I wanna be psyched,
but being unliked
is all I know...

CHORUS:
[... All she knows, that's why--]

IZZY:
I never thought I'd be a part of such a fate,
an opportunity eleven years late...
I guess it's time for me step up to the plate
and show 'em that I'm something great!

I'm Izzy Freakin' Riddle!
I'll do what I can
if what you say I am is true!

I can't be bothered
by my awful past,
I've found at last
something I can do,
so it's time I knew
exactly who I am...

I'm Izzy Freakin' Riddle!

THE KIDS:
You're Izzy Freakin' Riddle!

IZZY (THE KIDS):
I'm Izzy Freakin' Riddle--
(You're Izzy Freakin' Riddle--)

IZZY:
... And I'm the Queen!

THE KIDS:
[Ahhhhhh]

THE KIDS:
[spoken] "IT'S HARRY POTTER!"
(They run over to a boy across the station, leaving Izzy alone)