i killed myself that day
there was no funeral
no flowers on my grave
my friends didnt make rivers from salty tears
and they did not pray to the gods they believed in for me to come back
instead they all smiled
i think for the first time in a little while,i smiled too and laughed
there were balloons
they threw a party
and then there was cake
i killed that version of me
the one that i was with you
i left her in the burning house
the one you set on fire before you walked away
i probably could have followed you out the door,
tried to escape the fumes of the smoke and chase you a little longer
but i didnt,i let that version of me die
i laid her to rest and let her sleep peacefully
now i stand in front of the mirror
looking at myself
this new version of me
the one that i birthed, all on my own
im looking in the mirror
trying to forget what your arms looked like,wrapped around my torso
travelling around me like vines,an invasive species
slowly killing me from the outside
making your way in
i try to forget it,but sometimes in my dreams
you're still suffocating me
telling me your vines are what make me beautiful
but i wake up and realise that girl is gone and she's never coming back
and im no longer suffocated
im planting flowers where your vines once grew
flowers that give me back my oxygen
so now i can finally breathe
your ghost may haunt me forever
but the girl i killed that day,she's never coming back.