CHAPTER SUMMARY: It's been 3 months since that day last summer. It's been awkward we have all the same classes. But the worst is Charms....I have to sit next to him.... I haven't talked to Mattheo since last summer. Until September 12th, he shows up at her dorm. 

3 Months later....September 12th 

I was alone in my dorm, notes scattered around me on the floor as i study for the bloody Divination test i have first thing in the morning. I'm trying to readover the textbook, my eyes keep gliding across the page but actually reading anything is impossible. Out of nowhere in the middle no were theres a knock at the door...

"Come in I call out" Lowering my speaker which is blasting my study mix. A few seconds pass and the door slowly opens. I look up  expecting to see Theo but instead its Mattheo. I sit up he looks different...something is off...he's wearing different clothes than usual and he seems quieter than usual. But it's most definitely him. Mattheo closes the door slowly and he says in a softer voice than usual "Can I...can I come in and talk to you for a few minutes...?" I nod looking concerned and close my Charms book "what's wrong" I say standing up and moving to my bed "C-can....can I sit...next to you.." He asks almost softly as he walks over towards my bed. It's like his whole personality has

shifted to something much more quiet, calm and soft. He sits down next to me and it causes the bed to sink down a couple inches more. He stays quiet for a few moments. I look at him noticing he's fidgeting with his hands as if he's worried or something.."What's going on Mattheo?"

 "I...I need to tell you something...ok..." I look at him and immediately understand and I say worried knowing I'm going to see the dark mark. It had appeared on Theo's arm last month all of the sudden without explanation. "show me your arm" For a moment he doesn't really seem to realize what i said. "Um...what do you mean?" His words are still slightly soft, but they're a bit more clear than they used to be. But as soon as he sees my eyes darting towards his arm, he seems to understand as he quickly shows me his arm. "when?" Mattheo just sits there silently for a few moments as i look at his arm. "When Mattheo?" i say a little harser than i intended too. He mumbles quietly "A while ago..."

"Why didn't you come to me when it first happened?" He looks away as he says quietly "I...was scared..." 

"why?" I ask looking at him. Mattheo sighs slightly and looks away

again "I...I didn't think that you'd be accepting...and...after all...I did to you...I thought you'd...hate me..." I sigh and give him a reassuring smile "I could never hate you" His eyes drift back up and he's quiet for a moment before he says in a soft and relieved voice "Really...you..you mean that..?" I nod. I may have not talked to him for months, but I still missed him. Mattheo sighs in relief and he says gently "I...I know I...there's so much I need to...there's so much I need to say to you.." I just nod and lay back on my bed. I feel him shift next to me, as i look at him, he leans back onto the bed as well. Just the sound of the two of us breathing in a quiet room fills the air. It reminds me so much of the times we used to just lay there talking about life. He remains still and quiet for a long while before he finally speaks his quiet, soft voice and he says "Can I ask you one more thing.."

"what?" I mumble the sent of him comforting Mattheo looks away a little bit and his voice is still very quiet "...could you...close your eyes...just for a moment...please…” 

"sure" As soon a I close my eyes he shifts next to me and he lightly grabs my hand and pulls it onto his chest. I feel my hesrt flutter at the warmth of his touch, damn i missed this i smile at the thougt. The rhythm of his heartbeat, under my hand is peaceful, the rhythm which is soft at first but then starts to slowly get stronger. I hear him take a deep breath before he speaks again in a very soft, hesitant voice " I...just feel how close...our hearts are beating.." I nod and I let him pick my up so im laying ontop of him, my heart was right above his. I look into his eyes and he looks in mine. I continue to look him in the eyes, as he slowly starts moving his gaze from my eyes, to my cheeks, to my nose, and then his eyes slowly move towards my lips...and then his heartbeat starts to pick up. He moves his eyes back up to yours for a moment before he whispers "Could I...could I..." He slowly moves closer to my lips as he keeps his eyes locked on mine eyes. He moves closer and closer until his lips are almost touching mine and he stays there for a moment, "C-can I...?" I look at him feeling my stomach drop and i cant even form words so i just nod. He takes a deep breath and he softly presses his lips against mine. I close my eyes as he keeps the soft gental kiss, 'oh god I've missed this.' i think as i completely melt into the feeling of him being this close to me again. He stays like this for a few moments and before pulling away and resting his forehead against mine "I've missed this..."

"Me too" I whisper.  And for once the hurt and the loneliness I've been feeling disapears as he deepens the kiss. He pulls me slightly closer to him and he stays like that for a long moment. Then he slowly pulls his head away from mine and just looks at me for a few moments. He's breathing heavily as he whispers

"Uhhh...can we...could we...um..."Hes caught off-guard at first as i tackle him, but then he grins as he wraps his arms around my torso and he whispers "Oh god...I missed you...I missed this so much..." I can't say anything, all I can do is smile. Mattheo smiles as well and he keeps hugging me just as tightly. He lays back down on the bed and he drags me down on top of him "We should...really be quiet though...it is late night and..." I grin and position myself so I'm sitting on his croch and I lean in and kiss him gently on the lips, he sighs warmly as my lips press against his and he keeps his eyes closed for a long moment. "Mm...god...I still can't get over how sweet you...but we need to be quiet or..." I smile and continue to kiss him and then I start to move my hips cutting him off mid thought.

《♡》

I feel her hips moving against mine , i start to get slightly agotatied in the best way possible 'fuck ive missed this. ive missed her. ive missed her smile, her laugh, her body. ive missed everything. It hasn't been the same without her'  My hands tighten around her waist as i close my eyes. i keep my lips pressed against hers as I moan in a low whisper "Fuuuck...please don't...god"  She suddenly stops, making my eyes snap open 

"Sorry" she said but keeps kissing me passionately. I smirk against her lips as i kiss back, the kiss becoming a bit more aggressive as I press my lips against hers harder.  My hands press against her hips as i lean up from the bed,  pulling her a little higher on my lap.  I keep looking into her beautiful eyes as I whisper: "Just...so you know...I'm...not complaining...just need to be...quiet...that's all..." She nods all the while not breaking the kiss.

I slowy snake my left hand up her back until my fingers reach her hair, slowly  stroking through it while my other hand keeps a grip on her hip. 

《♡》

Mattheo leans up even more so that he can press his lips against mine harder. I fumble to undo his pants, finally after he helps me they slide off and thrown on the floor along with his shirt and underwear.  He has the same urgency when it comes to undressing me as well. He pulls my shirt off quickly and throwing it to the ground, while I fumble getting my shorts off, eventually those too are on the ground along with my bra and underwear. I'm sitting here naked infront of him. Only this time it feels different. i feel him still gently lift me up again placing me above his erect member. I bite the inside of my lip as i keep my status of being a virgin a secret from him. I mean i dont even know if i can still be considered one if me and Mattheo have done more then kissing. Yeah hes fingerd me and gave me head....but we've never gone this far. Mattheo snaps me out of my thoughs with a kiss as he quickly places me on his cock, I let out a small cry turning my head away as his cock buried deep inside me. My inner walls straining to accommodate him. Fuck! I didn't expect it to hurt this much. I mean ya I knew it would hurt but not like this.

《♡》

'Oh shit....Fucking hellllll....' She was impossibly tight and even though I entered her  quickly,  I felt an unfamiliar resistance that yielded only to my relentless thrust. Oh shit.....bellas a virgin, Astoria had told me she was a virgin, when we first coupled during the summer, but she felt nothing like Bella. My eyes widened as she took a few gasping breaths and closed her eyes tightly, moving her hips in what was surely an effort to dislodged me. Fucking hell, I had just assumed she wasn't a virgin considering all the shit we did. But now that i think about it we never fucked. I mean yeah we did shit, but it was mostly me just touching her or just dry humping eachother. "Bella" I whispered. She turned toward me again and opened her eyes, long lashes sticky with unshead tears. My fingers brushed her face and I leaned back , still inside her, enought to see our body's joined.  I moved my hips slightly and saw a hint of red on my shaft. "Bella" I whisper again a tight feeling in my chest starting to form. 'Fuck that's blood. Shit! I've hurt-', "Don't stop"  she says,snapping me out of my guilt to reassure me. I look into her eyes seeing the discomfort "Are you sure? I don't want to hurt you" I whisper, Bella leans in and nods her head "I trust you" I feel the sudden tightness in my chest disapear. Just hearing her say she trusted me was enough for me to whisper "Okay" 

《♡》

His hands are gripping my hips more tightly as he leans back into the bed so im laying on top of him. He lets out a slight muffled moan of pleasure as he mumbles  "M...mmm..." I feel him start to slightly move me up and down and I kiss him the pain is quickly replaced with pleasure. He grabs hold of my hips, his breathing gets even heavier and he lets out another quiet moan of pleasure.

His manages to sit us up once hes up right his hands slide down onto my thighs as he continues to move me  up and down as he keeps kissing. I let out a small gasp as we keep kissing. I guess that encouraged him, so he starts  kissing me more intensely as he moves me up and down harder. He keeps pushing his lips more firmly against mine, his hands keep squeezing my thighs, the moans and his heavy breathing get louder. my breath is becoming shaky as everything is going on. 

《♡》

I notice that Bellas breaths are getting shaky , so i slow down for a small moment to watche her face. I watch her lips and eyes, keeping silent until I  start to move her up and down again, but this time slower and steadier. My grip on her  hips just as tight as before "Mm...god..." I moan as she starts to kiss down my jawline. My heart beats even quicker as she kiss me my breathing becomes even more heavy and i starts to move my  hips upward slightly, to make sure that the movement feels better for her. I close my eyes again as she kiss down my jawline "Oh...oh god..." She goes back to kissing my lips and as i let out a quiet moan of pleasure, my hips moving upward still. I run my hands through her hair again "Oh...g...god...God....Oh..." I whisper out. She runs her hands through my hair making me shiver and let out another quite moan of pleasure. I  put my hand onto the back of her head just to make sure that the kiss stays on course as i keep my lips pressed against hers. I lean my head back on the pillows and begins to move my hips slightly up and down again and my breathing gets heavy again"Oh...mm..." I continue moving my hips up and down slightly which in turn makes her move up and down on top of me as well. I keep my eyes closed, my hand gripped tightly in her hair, moving her head around a little bit for a more comfortable kiss. My hands tighten around her hips as well  i can barely even speak at this point because of how intense the pleasure is getting. I let out another slightly muffled moan as my hands grip on her hips even tighter. Feeling desprite i start to move my hips up and down a bit faster as i push up against her harder it press her deeper onto my lap. "MMM"  I hear her gasp, I  keep moving my hands firmly on her hips, i keep moving my hips in a more consistent rhythm. My breathing starts to speed up more and my fingers are still stroking through her silky. I keep my eyes shut and don't stop moving my hips, i whispers hoarsely basically out breathing "Mm..oh...god...You...feel...so...good..."

《♡》

I kiss him on the lips again, and he lets out another soft moan and he moves his hands lower on my thighs. He keeps kissing me with his hot breath on my lips as he slides my body slowly up and down to keep the momentum going. He puts his eyes back on mine and he whispers softly "FuuUuuuck..." I let out a small gasp as strand of my hair falls in front of my face. Mattheo gently pulls it away with his free hand and he starts kissing me again. He keeps pressing his lips against mine his panting still continuing. He rubs his thumb on the small patch of sweat that's building up on my forehead and when he speaks he whispers "God...you're...you're making this so...hard...". I feel my heart flutter at his words, feeling proud that i have an effect on him.

《♡》

 I hear her breath is very shaky, Fuck she probably close to the edge. Just by how shes breathing I whispers with a soft smile "You're...you're close...and so am I.." She looks at me her mouth is slightly open letting out shaky breaths. 'fuck she so hot' I think

looking into her eyes. Letting out a a shaky breath myself from how tense I am is too, "God...I'm...almost there..." I jolt the sudden feeling of her small hand resting on my chest, I look into her eyes as she rests her forehead against mine.  I've never felt like this for someone before. All the other times I've had sex with someone it's always been because I was drunker then a skunk or craving for Bellas touch when I couldn't have it. i watch as she takes shallow breaths, my hands still gripped on her thighs 'oh god she's so beautiful' "Oh...god...I...I'm...gonna... god...oh God...ohhh...ghh.. 

I start moving my hips a little more intensely feeling her fingers start to digging into my back. and he can feel your grip tightening. "Mm..ohhh..." i moan. I can feel her muscles tense and tighten her grip getting even stronger as i keep pounding into her. I can start to feel my body is heating up, my breathing coming out heavier and harder, another soft moan leaves as i bites my lips"Oh fuuucck..." After a couple more seconds like this, my eyes close

i can barely even talk normally now ive started to approach my climax. 'Fuckkkkkk', i can feel her starting to tighten around my throbbing cock as i move  my lips up to her neck as i squeeze her even closer. I move my hands to the back of her thighs as I  move her up and down even harder. The sound of our body's hitting together is so fucking hot. I press my lips against her neck again and let out another soft moan "fuuuck...I'm...I'm...almost there." I keep slaming my cock into her harder and the pressure gets more intense. "I...I'm gonna..." i get cut off my the feeling of her gripping my cock gets even tighter "Oh my god" I hear her moan, My muscles tense up a lot as i squeezes her hips tighter pressing my lips against her neck again. 

《♡》

I kiss him and I feel myself almost at the point of losing, his tongue meets mine as they begin to move in sync. He pushes his lips against mine and he grips at my hips tighter than before. And then he whispers again just before he lose it "oh....ohhh god..." he grunts. Mattheo keeps kissing me as out tongues go back and forth and his grip on my hips tighten even further. There's going to be brusies there tomorrow i already know that. Mattheo starts to make soft grunts of pleasure now and he moves his hips upwards and down as fast as he can now. the movement he's doing is putting more pressure on my body, the amount of pleasure that keeps washing over me is fucking amazing. Mattheo's breathing speeds up even further his grip on my hips is still as tight as it was before. He keeps moving his hips in an up and down motion and his lips press together even harder as he lets out another small grunt of pleasure. Mattheo leans his forehead against mine I can see his lips stay pressed together very tightly. His breathing speeds up again and the movements he's doing are putting even more pressure on my body and after several seconds he reaches a spot where he can't hold back anymore and the grunts come in more frequently and more consistently, they're barely audible at this point but he starts to shake a bit. i rest my forehead against his shoulder and grip onto him about to go over the edge, then he mumbles "fuuuuck...". The movement has increased the amount of pleasure higher and harder then ever  before. Mattheo whispers with a very strained voice as he lets out a moan "fuuggghk...oohhh....fuuukk.." Oh shit. I can't take his thrust anymore. I feel my walls squeeze around him, the amount of pleasure and ecstasy that washes over me is crazy. And I assume he starts to feel it too because all he can manage to get out is "o.." His breathing slows down and his body tenses up and he starts to shake more letting out a soft grunt as his body tenses up more.

《♡》

My body begins to shiver even more and grunts of pleasure leave me as my climax slowly sets in. My breath gets even heavier and i closes my eyes as i grits my teeth together. And then the climax happens as i finally loses control and finish in her. I hear her gasp as my cock starts to twitch before realsesing warm cum into her. Wave after wave of pleasure washes over me as each time I tense my cock unloads shot after shot into her. After two more waves i feel myself finish and i slowly starts coming down from the high as I just lay there. I  feel bellas body clinging onto mine. Then i open my eyes, my breath is still very heavy and my lips curl into a satisfied smile as i stare into her eyes. Bellas brushes a stray curl out of my face making my heart skip a beat at the slight touch of her hand. I keep my eyes locked on to her, a satisfied smile on my face. I watch as a smile starts to form on her lips as she gently kiss me. We continue to kiss for a bit longer, before pulling back slowly and smiling, slightly out of breath from the kiss i whisper quietly "That...that was amazing..."

《♡》

I smile and nod as he says that. "Was it..." he stops talking for a second as he sighs softly and he shrugs slightly "I mean,

was it good for you too?" I just giggle and nod not knowing how to describe the feelings that washed through me the whole time. "Good..." then he smiles again and leans in to kiss my neck a little bit before he whispers against it "Can I ask...ask you a question?"

I close my eyes at the feeling of his lips on my neck "Sure" I mumble, "Do you want to know what I was thinking about the entire time?"

"What?"

"I was thinking about how close I was getting...so close... And I was also thinking about how tight your grip was on me. And then I was thinking about how hot it was getting" he leans forward and kissing my neck again, then whispers again "Can I ask you something too?"

"Sure" I whisper slightly annoyed at the lose of contact "Can I stay with you... tonight...please?" I pause for a second, well shit.....this would be the first time in 3 months that weve slept together.  "sure" i whisper, I look at him and he smiles, I'm very aware that we're still connected and I love it. But all too soon I feel Mattheo gently lift me up pulling out, the feeling of cum starts to run down my leg. I don't even care, all I care about is how empty I feel as I let out a small whimper at the sudden lose. Mattheo chuckles as he looks at me "it will get better in a little bit"  I nod and crawl under the covers not caring that the back of my legs are sticky and wet. Mattheo chuckles as he gets under as well, following my movement. He lays down and then moves himself close to pulling me very close against him. He wraps his arms around tightly and he whispers "Mm...Can I ask one more thing?"

"Sure"

 "I love you...I really do love you...and... And..." I look at him as i feel my heart flutter again as i whisper "I've missed you Mattheo Riddle" Mattheo blinks twice as he stares at me, and his eyes look a bit teary. "You...you really did miss me?" I nod "even if we still don't know what we are I'm just happy your in my life again"

"I...I'm really glad I'm back in your life too..." Mattheo pauses for a second as he takes another deep breath. He then smiles again holding me even closer in his arms as he leans his head on my chest. "And I'm not going anywhere...I'm staying right here..."

I nod feelin my chest tighten. And before i know it tears start to fall. He notices the tears falling and he tilts his head up and he rubs my cheek a bit as he asks  "...What's wrong?"

"The last time we were like this was last summer " i whisper tears still gently flowing, Mattheo pauses for a second as he hears that, but he keeps rubbing my cheek, hugging me tighter, and his tone of voice is very gentle as he speaks "I...yeah...I remember too..."

"Theo found me on the beach after you left" I whisper. He nods a bit as he speaks "Yeah... I heard...I heard he found you... alone, on the beach... I...I'm so sorry..." I let go of him and roll onto my opposite side looking away from him. "Hey, look at me please..." he says gently  "What was the real reason you came here tonight? and don't tell me its because of the dark mark, we both know that's a lie"

 "I'm here tonight because...I came here for you." he pauses for a second, "Because I care about you and I came to just check up on you... see if you were alright...and I couldn't leave until I knew you were safe."

"But why now? why care now?" Mattheo sighs before saying "Because I just felt like it. Is that so difficult to believe?"

I sit up and look at him "Yes. Yes it is. This summer, you left me there.... You left me there...... On that beach. You left me there- and didn't look back. And now all the sudden you come and check in on me? After we haven't spoken for 3 months" tears streaming down my cheeks, I'm finally able to get what I had been feeling for the past 3 months out. And it felt good. I look back Mattheo again he doesn't speak for a long while as he stares at me. 

《♡》

'I'm at a loss for words because shes right...I did leave her on the beach. all those months ago. And I didn't look back...or at least i thought i didn't. Fuck i know i messed up. I know.....

3 months ago

Bella looks at me her tear streaked face makes my heart feel like its being crushed  "i cant be friends with you. I just after everything we've done together. I can't it hurts to much" she whispers, I nod feeling my whole world just shatter as i mutter quietly, "Yeah...I...yeah, I get it..." She looks at me new tears forming in her eyes, before she reaches her hand out to cup  my cheek rubbing her thumb gently brushing way my tears my "I love you Mattheo Riddle always and forever....so that's why I'm choosing to let you go for now."

"I...oh god...god..." I choke out, after a moment of trying to control myself i finally manage to get something out "I...I love you too..."

Tears slowly falling down my cheeks. I look into her blue eyes and I see the pain and hurt, I've cause  "no....no don't say that.....if you say that....It'll  make it harder for me to leave....." She whispers.

I nod not careing im full blown sobbing now, all i want is to make this better, make it right"I'm sorry....I just..had to get it out one last time...I can't lie to you...I can't bear to keep it from you...because I know how I would feel in your shoes and I just...he lets out a sob "I just..." 

"Then why say it? Why say we're just friends?" She chokes out 

More tears fall from my eyes "Because...look...we both know we can't...be together...we just...it can't happen..." I look at her again and I feel my heart shatter she looks so small, so broken....all because of me....all because I can't be honest with her. I know what im about to say is going to break her heart even more, I know it, but i cant give her the answer she wants right now and its killing me. "Alright...I think..I think that it's time I took my leave..." 

The look of utter devastation on her beautiful face is too much to bare so I just walk away. I look back one last time and watch her cry. I want to so badly run back to her. To comfort her. To hug her and hold her close to me. But i can't. So i do the hardest thing  every and continue walking away from her. I turn slowly away from Bella and he keep on walking and walking until I know I'm  too far away from her, if I wanted to turn and look I wouldn't be able to see her. I just keep on walking alone on the beach...I don't know were ill go. But I can't be here.

《♡》

CHAPTER NOTES: I'm so sorry...nottt, this was to much of a good moment to pass up on. If yall have seen After, you'll know Tessa and Harden have some in my opinion icon moments, so ya, iykyk

Present day

I look at him as he takes a deep breath "The... the truth is...I...I didn't want to...but I had to..." 'bullshit'  I think "You told me you regretted it. You regretted everything. You regretted what we did on the beach"  Mattheo goes quiet before talking again "I did...I did regret it...everything..." Its like a slap to the face, I feel all the anger I had from 3 months ago come flooding back strong , "so that makes me wonder, do you regret what we did a few minutes ago" Mattheo goes completely silent for a moment before responding "I...I don't regret a single...damn....second of it...."

"i don't believe you" i whisper "you said the same thing when we were on the beach and then you said you regretted it later that night"

"It's the damn truth!" He says as he starts to get a bit more defensive now, his tone of voice has become slightly raised and he clenches his own fists. I flinch at the sudden volume change 

"I meant every goddamn word I said then, and I meant every goddamn word I've said tonight!" 

"Tell me what else I can do to make you believe that I love you. Tell me!" She looks at me with tears in her eyes as i continue "You're never gonna trust me" 

"Trust you? You think that I should trust you." She looks at me with pained eyes  “Yes! I say starting to get frustrated "Where has that ever gotten me?"  I look at her shocked, I feel my heart tighten with anger, hurt, fear, "Youre never gonna forgive me, are you? Your just gonna keep bring it up, every time."

"Because i don’t trust you" She says her cracking. I stand up pulling my boxers on with jerky movement all the while looking at her "You act like you're so fucking innocent. Like you're perfect." I snarl, "Oh, fuck this. And fuck you!"

"Fuck you too." She say as I feel my heart almost burst out of my chest, "Well, that's good to know. Now you can go find yourself another guy who cares about you then." I say as i finish getting dressed. My heart is beating very fast as i clenche my fists tightly. I dont look back at her even once, as i walk out of the room, slamming the door as hard as I can behind me.