After i got back the house i contemplated about going back into my room or just going somewhere else.  I sigh as i finally decied that the back deck was were i would go. I head through the back doors and find a blue cushioned chair and plop my self down. I take my phone out of my back pocket to check the time 2:45 however a gental breeze is so calming so i close my eyes and take a deep breath.and put my phone on the arm rest. After a couple seconds i open my eyes as i gaze out at the oceans waves crashing, i take a big inhale smelling the faint saltiness from the water 'God's I love the smell of the salty water.' I guess I was so lost in my own world to not even notice Mattheo standing there watching me, and if I'm being honest I don't think I would have even thought to look behind me if mattheo hadn't whispered "Can we talk?" My eyes suddenly snap open from the sudden noise I turn around and look at him as he heas towards me "Can I ask you a question...like a serious one?" he says quietly. Just from the way he's talking and how he looks tired I can almost guarantee that he had been cry at some point. "Sure" I say turning back around not wanting to looking at him. "Are you really sure like...that we are just friends? Because...." He stops talking and just trails off and he keeps staring out at the ocean. The frustration and hurt that i was feeling before come flooding back, "You're the one who said it not me" I say still not looking at him my voice coming off colder than I meant it to.  Mattheo sighs and it sounds like he's starting to get a little bit frustrated so he says quietly "I know, but you haven't exactly treated me like your normal friend either! You've kissed me...we cuddle in my bed together...we-we've done things..." Mattheo takes a breath and then continues "That's why I'm asking, because if we're just friends...shouldn't we be like...doing more friend things...and not like..." 'Are you kidding me? What the actual fuck! Your the one that said were we're friends,  not me' I feel the frustration starting to boil over into anger and the hurt just starts to consume me from the inside out "Like I said before, you said it not me" I say turning my head to look at  him now, i want to say more, hell I want to scream, I want to tell him how much of a dick he is. I open my mouth to say something anything....but nothing comes out. I chew the inside of my lip as I take a deep breath and  turn walking down the stairs heading to the beach. I end up sitting in the sand looking at the waves breaking at the shore. my hair blowing in the breeze still. The breeze starts to pick up a little the chill in the air going through my baggy shirt so i pull my knees up close to my chest and rest my check on them as Mattheo sits down next to me. He stays silent for a few moments before he whispers "...Are you alright?" I lift my head and nod not looking at him, he stays silent for a little bit and then he asks "Did me saying that we were friends hurt you?" i feel my jaw clench 'fuck i dont wqnt to talk about this right now' "No" immediately after the words leave my mouth he and quickly says without thinking "So you don't care that I said we are just friends?"

"no" 'Stop lying to yourself. Just tell him. Stop being so god damn stubborn.' Before I can even say anything different mattheo speaks up again seeming almost relieved as he sighs "Ok, good..."

Its like a stab to the heart. 'Wait good? Am i only a fuck buddy to him?'  i think, i shut my eyes tight hoping the thoughts would just stop but they keep racing around in my head. 'I need to get out of here' i think standing up "Cool" I say, Mattheo looks at me with a confused look as he says in a soft voice "Where...where are you going?" I turn around so he doesn't see the tears that are starting to form as i whisper "to pack" Theres silence for a few second "Pack? Are you leaving?" he asks quietly, I don't respond I just nod as I struggle to keep the tears from falling. "Wait...you're just leaving...like that?" Mattheo asks sounding shocked and slightly annoyed. I nod before I jog back to the stairs "I'll see you back at Hogwarts when the term starts again" I don't turn around when  I hear him call my name, I take the stairs two at a time, I grab my phone off the arm rest before running to my room and locking the door. I finally let out a big sigh as i lean my back against the door, taking a few more breaths in hopes itll help calm me down, by the third deep breath the tears I was holding in finally start running  down my cheeks as I completely lose it and slid down the length of the door, I pull my phone out and start texting while sobbing. 

My 4 lifers :) 

Today

Hey.....so um.....I'm gonna head home

tonight....I just feel home sick :( 

3:30 p.m.

My future sister-in-law 🤩😍😘 

mhm sureee.....Things went down between  you and mattheo.

I saw it from the bathroom window

3:32 p.m.

THEOOOOOO 🤪♥ 

How bad is it?

3:35 p.m.

 Bad...tried to ask him what we are. 

said we're really Good friends

3:38 p.m.

My future sister-in-law 🤩😍😘 

r u fucking kidding me?!?!?

i'm gonna beat his ass 😡 😡

3:38 p.m.

please don't Daph

3:39 p.m.

THEOOOOOO 🤪♥ 

Damn....wtf you two literally are not just GOOD friends.

Anyone can see that

3:39 p.m.

I  thought he liked me too :(

3:40 p.m.

My future sister-in-law 🤩😍😘 

aww I'm so sorry bell's. can I do

anything to help? 

3:43 p.m.

Its okay Daph...I should've known :(

Like i said I just want to go home 

3:45 p.m.

THEOOOOOO 🤪♥ 

I get it Bells. me and Daph can come with you if you like

3:45 p.m.

No I'll be fine. Besides I want you guys to enjoy the rest of the trip.

an not to be rude I just want to be alone.

3:46 p.m.

THEOOOOOO 🤪♥ 

Okay....Are you leaving tonight or? 

3:48 p.m.

Thats the plan. I'm going to start packing :\

3:50 p.m.

My future sister-in-law 🤩😍😘

okay :( Ohhh I'm so sorry bell's

like I feel so bad 😭                     

3:53 p.m.

THEOOOOOO 🤪♥ 

Alright, Tell me when your going to leave?

3:53 p.m.

👍 

3:59 p.m.

I lean my head against my door and sigh as I shut my phone off. I stand up and grab my airpods off the bed side table and connect them to my phone. I unlock my phone once more and open Spotify, I press play on my breakup playlist and turn the volume all the way up. I take another deep breath before the look at my suit case and start gathering my things. As i pack up my wet bathing suit tears role down my cheeks as I see Mattheo's wet sweatshirt lying in a heap on the floor. After 15 minutes or so I finish my packing, my tears had stoped falling a couple minutes ago, guess i used them all up. I take a earbud out and put it back into the case before openning the balcony doors in my bedroom and walking out. I place my phone in my back pocket as I stand looking at the sky. "What are you doin?" I hear Mattheo's voice over my music.

"Why does it matter." I shoot back defensively "Your my friend you don't need to know every thought behind what i do" I snap moving aways from him before he can grab me "Just a second...please...just listen for two seconds..." he says quietly, i look at him and can see that he desperately wants me just give him a chance to speak. He keeps a tight grip around my wrist and it's clear he's refusing to let me go finally nod as i hold my breath "Can I...can I just hug you...one last time? Please?" I look at him and by his expression i can tell he sees my heart shatter into a million pieces "no..." i manage to choke out before I turn and walk back inside. I turn around to see Mattheo just standing there before he walks over to me, tucking a piece of hair behind my ear then leaving my bedroom.

《♡》

Around 5:15 p.m. I can't take it anymore. Tears yet again roll down my cheeks as I grab my bag and leave the bedroom. I had only gotten a few feet away from the front door before i feel strong arms pick me up from behind. I dont need to turn around to know its Mattheo, as he wraps his arms tightly around me and he keeps his chin on top of your head. He's still not saying anything and i can feel how tense he is. I can also tell he's trying not to cry like me, we stay like that for a couple minutes before i break the silence "Mattheo....what the hell are we?" I whisper on the verge of tears, by the way he answers i can tell he's also on the verge of tears and he whispers back "I don't know...I really don't know...I just...god damn it...I just don't want to lose you..." I feel my chest starting to tighten again 'i dont want to loose you either'  i think before I start to sink to the ground, I gave up trying to fight the tears that are now rolling down my cheeks yet again.  Mattheo just lets out a deep and sad sigh as he hugs me tightly once more and mumbles "I'm so damn sorry..." tears keep roll down my cheeks as we down on the ground. He wraps his arms around my waist again and buries his face into my shoulder, letting out another heavy sigh, I can feel his heart beating like crazy from the way his chest is pressed against my back. We stay like this for what seems like forever before he lifts his head up and saying "I...I just don't understand...I've never wanted a girl more than you...I've never wanted anything so badly before...I thought that we could work...we would work...I thought we could become something more than friends!" 

"Then why is it so hard....Why is it so hard for you to say it then?" my voice breaks as Mattheo shakes his head and he says in a soft voice "I don't know.... I don't know why it's so difficult...I don't know why I'm being so freaking stupid about this...and God I just...I don't know why we can't just..." he whispers as he buries his face into my shoulder again. Holding me tightly as he whispers again "God damn it...I hate...I hate doing this to you...I hate that I'm the one who put you through this...I hate that I've been so damn stupid..." I take a shuddering breath gently removing his arms, as I get up i bring my bag back inside, leaving it near the front door before, heading out back to the beach. I sit down in the sand alone looking at the yellows, oranges, and reds that have been painting the sky. Each color reflecting beautifully over the ocean. I hug my arms as the air starts to get colder as the sun starts going down. Momentarily lost in the beauty before Mattheo sits down beside me. He wraps his arms around my waist pulling me close so, he can rest his chin on my head, "so now what?" I say as u lean against him, tears keep rolling down my face, "I don't know...I have no idea...I just..." He seems to be at lose for words for a few moments as he stays quiet. Picking his head up he wipes at his eyes "...Can I ask you a quick question...?" He pauses for a moment "Can I ask you, as a friend...one last question? I promise this is the last time I would ask something like this..." 'why just a friend? why can't you say it? please Mattheo....just say it....' "ok" He takes a deep breath and says "Is it ok...if I try...to be normal friends with you...and do my best to keep my physical affection to you in check.."  I feel the aceing in my chest not going away "i cant be friends with you..... I-......just after everything we've done together..... I can't it would hurt to much...especially knowing you have...well...I don't know some form of emotion towards me..loke i do for your..." Mattheo nods and mutters quietly  "Yeah...I...yeah, I get it..." i turn so i  can look at. His brown eyes  tearrfully watching me as I raise my hand to brush his cheek with my thumb "I love you Mattheo Riddle always and forever....so that's why I'm choosing to let you go right now." 

"I...oh god...god..." His eyes start to tear up again. After a moment of trying to control himself he finally says "I...I love you too..."

"no....no don't say that.....if you say that....I-.... it will make it harder for me to leave....." Mattheo nods as he starts to cry again and he whispers "I'm sorry....I just..had to get it out one last time...I can't lie to you...I can't bear to keep it from you...because I know how I would feel in your shoes and I just...he lets out a sob "I just..." I let out a shutter breath looking up at the sky to see the last bits of color leave before millions of twinkling stars come out, and for a moment i have a sens of peace. i snap back to reality and look at him again "Then why say we're just friends? Why keep putting up road blocks" I say turning to look at him once again, "Because...look...we both know we can't...be together...we just...it can't happen..." I look at him my mouth slightly open as tears steam down my cheeks. I shake my head "How do you know that? How do you fucking know that if you don't even try" I say with so much pain and sadness it feels like it's going tobcrush the both of us. Mattheo looks at me with such sadness before he lets me go a "Alright...I think..I think that it's time I took my leave..." I watch him stand up and walk away. The sudden coldness from the night hits me full force, just like all the emotions that i kept in the whole time finally tumble out as i pull my knees up close to my chest and bury my face into them and cry. I just cry. I sit there on the beach for i dont know how long, just thinking, i hear footsteps in the sand, the  I hear his voice "Bella?" theo....

"T-Theo?" I whisper He moves to sit down next to me "Yeah it's me." I look into my brothers brown eyes as i feel my tears start falling again "He left me theo" i whisper, i see him give me a sad smile "I know...he texted me that, you were here. because you had called things off" i nod and lean into my brother crying softly into his shoulder.  I feel him wrap his arm around me and rest his chin on top of my head, "Sh...sh...it's ok...I'm right here..."