Two weeks Later: October 27th 

Mattheo walks down the hallway, on his way to the library to try and get some studying done. It's been a few weeks since he had talked to Bella, and maybe its for the best. He needed to focus on Pansy, and what he was feeling towards her. As he's walking down the hallway, he passes by some of the students and nods or smiles at them when he sees them, he's been in a good  mood this whole week.... He continues walking until he eventually reaches the library. Meanwhile Bella is spending the day doing a Netflix and chill day with Theo, while Mattheo is deep in the library studying. He's sitting at a table near the window, his nose deep in a book as he reads. He's been studying for a few hours straight now, reading over pages and pages of information on potions. After a couple hours have passed, he finally comes across the information he was searching for. He lets out a sigh and shuts the book, satisfied. During the time Pansy had walked up to him "Hey babe" Mattheo is so immersed in his book that he hadn't noticed,until she called out to him, he lifts his head away from the book and looks up at her.

"Oh, Hey babe.. What's up?" With a dramatic sigh Pansy hoists herself up onto the table and twirls a strand of her hair around her finger "Nothing much...what do you say we head back to your dorm and you know "study", Mattheo raises an eyebrow and smirks a little at this hint, already knowing what kind of studying. "Yeah, sure. I could use a break from all this reading anyways.." He shuts the book he's reading and stands up off of his chair. "C'mon then." Mattheo grabs ahold of Pansy's hand and intertwines their fingers as they both begin walking out of the library together. He smiles and glances over at her. "I've been studying for hours reading this boring book, I can't wait to do some 'studying' with you.." 

"Good" She giggles. As they walk down the hallway out of the library, Mattheo can't help but smile. He's actually excited for this "studying" that he'll be doing with Pansy. He glances over at her once more and gives her hand a gentle squeeze in a loving fashion. The walk back to Mattheo's room isn't all that long. Once they walk inside, Pansy immediately pins Mattheo against the door and presses herself against him, her lips smashing against his in a heated kiss. Mattheo is caught off guard by this sudden movement but he quickly gets into it. His arm wraps around her lower back as he kisses her back passionately while their lips move together. He feels her push her body up against his and he does the same thing, pulling her as close as he possibly can. As the kiss starts to get more and more heated, Mattheo's hands start to wander down her body. His fingertips trailing down her hips, while his tongue enters her mouth and massages her tongue. While Mattheo is getting busy in his room with Pansy, Bella and Theo sitting next to each other on the bed while playing a game, laughing and joking around. The day and the atmosphere is light and joyful, nothing much on her mind except having a fun and relaxing day. Around 2:30 or so Theo stands up and hugs his sister, before he leaves to meet Daphne.

"We need to get the gang to do a bonfire by the lake at some point." Theo smiles after she gives him a hug, nodding his head in agreement. "Yeah, we definitely should plan a bonfire by the lake soon. It'll be fun to have our whole friend group all together again." I smile alright "I'll text you about it later bud...Now go! you know how Daph hates waiting" Theo smiles back and nods "Alright sounds good, and yeah Daphne sure hates waiting. Ill text you later Bells" He chuckles waveing goodbye before leaving the room. Back in Mattheo's room, he's lying on his bed with Pansy. They're both under the blanket cuddled close to each other, after their "study" session they're now just relaxing and cuddling. Mattheo's fingers run through Pansy's hair gently, his touch gentle and soothing. He cuddles up against her, his body pressed close to hers as he holds her close. His nose is buried in her hair again as they lay there with each other under the blanket and he closes his eyes once more, getting ready to go to sleep. He feels Pansy cuddle into him deeper, pressing against him more. He can't help but feel a sense of comfort as they lay there together. He holds her close in his arms and takes a deep breath before sighing softly and beginning to drift off to sleep. and he dreams of Bella. 

《♡》

After Theo had left my dorm, I connect my phone to the speaker and trun my music on. You know I feel like today's an orange mood, I mumble to myself as I turn my LED lights on to an orange color. Sighing I change into a pair of baggy sweatpants and one of Mattheo's old shirts, putting my hair up into a messy bun. While changing into Mattheo's old shirt I realise how big it is, like I knew it was big on me but i never really noticed it. After doing a once over in my mirror i lay down on the floor, I glance up at the ceiling and start to get lost in my thoughts as Lana Del Ray, fills the room.

Looking up at the ceiling as tears slowly fall down my cheeks.

The sadness and pain from everything that's happened the last few weeks finally taking its toll on me, making me fucking cry. The lyrics of the sad songs fill my ears, the relatable and emotional lyrics hitting hard and making me cry more. Why? Why can't these emotions just leave me alone? Why do they have to keep running back and slaming me. Hard. I press the palms of my hands to my eyes, trying to stop the tears from falling. The tears keep falling even faster now. My tears fall onto the soft carpet every word of the song that plays each note carrying the emotions pouring through me. After a couple minutes i get up and head to my desk I know one way that helps calm me down.  Weed. So i roll a blunt, one finished I smile admieraing my handy work, that should do it. I stand up and grab my lighter off my bedside table, and head to the double doors leading out to my bedroom balcony.

I stand out side and feel the cool afternoon air hit me, taking a deep breath and closing my eyes for a few seconds then open them i sigh and close my eyes again. i close them tight. Taking a few deep breaths, i take the lighter out and bring the blunt up to my lips and light it, i take long drag, the smoke swirling around me as I exhale. i reach my hand up to brush a strand of my hair away from my face, my fingers brush my cheek and i feel tears, huh i didnt realise i was still crying, oh well , i take another breath in after few long moments I exhale, watching as the smoke disperse in the air. Every emotion ive been feeling throughout the day began to fade away, replaced by the familiar feeling of calm, i take another a deep drag, letting the smoke sit in my lungs for a moment before breathing out. 

《♡》

My dreams are filled with her face, the memories of Bella running through my mind..... I dream of her face, her blue eyes, her soft lips, her black hair, her smile, her voice, the memories of  Bella..My dreams begin to transform.... The peaceful dreams about Bella suddenly transform to nightmares. I see her, crying...... crying the same tears that shes currently crying as she lays in her dorm alone......The sight of Bella crying in pain is too much, I can't bear the sight of her...... my heart aches with every tear that falls from her eyes. The tears streaming down her cheeks are mirrored in my mind... My heart hurts as i stare at her,  my fists clenching as she sobs, the sight fucking breaking me. I can see the pain that shes going through, and i cant do anything to help her pain. I continue to watch her cry tears falling down her cheeks. I want to reach out to her, to comfort you, but i can't......wait...the mirror...... he...i wonder..... After a few more moments of silence,I  suddenly jolt awake from the dream with a gasp and sit straight up in bed. My heart is racing fast in my chest as i look around the dark room, breathless and gasping from what i just saw.....The nightmare hits me hard, my heart still racing inside my chest as  i take deep breaths to calm down. I try to get my racing mind under control, still feeling shaken up...... I sit up in bed and looks around again, seeing Pansy asleep next to me. I sigh quietly and get out of bed, carefully trying not to wake her up. I quickly grab my clothes and walk into the bathroom, not wanting to wake Pansy up and have to talk to her right now. I wash my face and quickly gets dressed. I cant shake the images i saw, the sight of her crying still haunting me...After quickly getting dressed, i walk out of the bathroom and silently walk back over to the bed and looks down at Pansy who's sleeping peacefully. I watch her for a few seconds before leaning down and placing a gentle kiss on her forehead. "I'll be back......" I whispers quietly to her so i won't wake her up. After the kiss, i turn around and walk out of my room and out into the hallway, quickly heading away from it. A few minutes later i eventually reach Bellas room. I stand outside her door for a few seconds, my hand hovering over the doorknob, unsure of what to expect when I open the door. I slowly turn the knob, the sound of it unlocking

filling the silent night, and slowly open the door and steps into her room, a warm orange light welcoming me in....but no bella.....

Fuck where is she? i look around her room and immediately notices the balcony door open, the curtains gently blowing in the night wind, I walk toward it and step outside to the balcony......

When i walk outside and see her standing there on the balcony with tears streaming down her cheeks and a blunt in hand. I quickly walk over and stand next to her. Shit shes been crying for awhile.....i look at her my eyes scanning down her body, she looks so tired and small. I feel my heart breaking at the sight of her crying, I reach over and gently grab her arm, lifting it up to gently  caress her arm in a soothing manner.  I watch her take on last drag of the blunt before putting it out and pull her arm away from me  " you shouldn't be here" she says coldly. "What are you talking about? Of course I should be here, I need to make sure you're alright" I gently attempt to turn her around to look at me. "no you shouldn't. You have a girlfriend. Mattheo this needs to stop" She snaps.

《♡》

"A girlfriend who is sleeping in my bed. I don't care what you think, I'm here. You need me...."  He gently grabs my chin between his fingers carefully turn my head towards him. I wonder if he can see the tears and pain in my eyes... he steps closer to me so i can't push him away....bitch I look into his eyes and retort "exactly in YOUR bed. That's why you shouldn't be here" I try to turn my head aways from him, but he places his hand gently on my cheek, preventing you from turning away again. He looks into my eyes as he speaks again, his gaze filled with concern and worry. "Yes, but right now it's you who I'm the most worried about...... Not her....."

I look at him tears still falling "and that's not right Mattheo. Don't you see none of this is right" He looks into my eyes again can't he 

see how much pain im in right now....."It doesn't matter what's right or what's wrong. What matters is that you're hurting right now, and I'm not going anywhere......" He takes a step closer me, "You should" I back away from him, quickly looking away "Im fine. I've been fine". He slowly walks forward, stepping a little closer once again. He gently grabs my hand, the warmth of it In mine is almost soothing... "You're not fine..... and you haven't been fine for a while......" He gently turns my hand in his, his thumb gently running across my palm, tracing my lifeline in a soothing motion.

"I know you're hurting.... I can see it......"

"I’m fine" I snap, I don't want to talk to him...I don't want to talk to anyone.  He looks at me witha a mixture of disbelief and concern in his eyes. "I think we both know that's not true........ I know you think you're doing fine, but you're really not...... You're the furthest thing from fine....." I look away from him and pull my hand from his and sink to the ground. Just leave me alone.  Please.  Go away. Leave me alone!!  "You've never been fine since we left....... I watch you everyday as you fight to get through each night and each day....... you think you're hiding your pain, but you can't fool me......" I don’t say anything, I cant....dann him, why does he have to be so fucking observant. As i sit there a strand of my hair falls out of my bun, he reaches over to tuck the loose strand back behind my ear. I feel my heart flutter with the familer feeling of longing. "No matter how hard you try and how many times you tell me or yourself that you're 'fine', you're not....... because 'fine' people don't smoke 7 blunts in one day." My lips start to tremble as I stare at the balcony door, fuck! why. why? Why are you here. why do you always come back and ruin my life I want to scream but I don't...I cant, i feel frozen. "Look at me...... please......" He gently reaches over and cups my face in his right hand, tilting it lightly towards

him.....I dont resist i let him, i let him turn my head and look at him.

"I know how much pain you're going through..... it kills me to see how much you're hurting....... but you can't tell me you're fine when you're clearly not"

"I shouldn't be feeling this way" I whisper, why does this boy have this fucking effect on me? I look up at him and his expression softened. "Your feelings are valid...... There is no right or wrong way to feel what you're feeling..... you don't have to feel ashamed to feel the feelings you're feeling right now....... you're not alone.......I'm here and you can talk to me..... I promise......" I look at him and search his eyes, those damn hypnotic eyes, "no Mattheo I can't tell you. Please go. Go back to Pansy. Go back to your girlfriend" I say the words...but i don't mean them. "Why won't you ever open up to me...... why won't you let me in. Why can't you tell me?..." his voice slightly strained as he speaks...

"Because Mattheo. We're not.... were not whatever the fuck we were anymore. I can't keep doing this" I watch as his eyes widen "What are you saying......" his eyes glued to me.......Fuck i hate those brown eyes...I hate the warmth, love, dreamy look they get, i hate when the light hits them just right its so pretty...its- fuck! no stop! "We need to move on...."I whisper "I can't keep doing this anymore. It hurts to god damn much" I look into his eyes and can see the tears start to slowly fill his beautfil brown eyes......fuck who am I kidding I love them, I love him. "So, that's it?...... you're done....... just like that?........" Am I done? Fuck wait! no he fucking does this everytime.....I don't know why I'm so mad honestly it's not his fault...its also mine, "don't do that" it comes out harsher then I want it to, he looks at me getting defensive "Don't do what exactly?..... Don't cry....... don't care...... don't love you?......"

Each word he speaks feels like it's ripping my heart out a little more......"Because I do care and I do love you...... more than you possibly know...... even if you don't want me...... I'll never stop....... I'm always yours......"

The emotion and truth in his words rings loud and clear as tears begin to fall down his pretty face..... I look at him and try to say as firmly as I can, " you have a girlfriend" each word feels like the shatterd pieces of my heart are reshattering at the way he looks. The tears continue to fall down his cheeks as his face shows how much my words hurt.......Fuck! Why is this so bloody hard!  "Yeah...... a girlfriend who I don't love...... a girlfriend who is nothing but a friend who I just had a hookup with...... my heart still belongs only to you......"

I know its true...i dont want to but his words are the truth. even if his body is with someone else, his heart still belongs completely to only me......fuck I can't keep holding this in  if I do it will fucking kill me, I look at him in pain "so your saying you've been using pansy" I know he sees the pain in my eyes, and at this point i don't care.. I want him...he wants me...right? Im not being some delusional heartbroken side piece, "I haven't been completely honest with her.... about my feelings...... She thinks I love her... but I can't love her the way I love you......" yes he can he can love her. And he does. I can see it...Theo can see it...the only one who cant...well isnt willing to see it is him. I look at him as much as it hurts me to say this i do, he deserves to be happy. It may not be with me, it may not be with Pansy even. But he needs  to let go....but the question is can i? can i let go to this perfect brown haired boy? "Mattheo be honest you love her. I can see it. Everyone can" His brown eyes meet mine, the pain and longing showing through the tears, "I care about her as a friend, but nothing more....... the love I feel for her is nothing compared to the love I feel for you...... Please believe me...... you're the only one I truly love......" I know....I know...but why can't I let this go? 

"Mattheo. Be honest with your self for once. You love her too" 

"The only words coming out of my mouth are honest...... I may care about her, but I'm not in love with her..... But when it comes to you...... I think about you every second of every day...... I dream about you every night..... You're the one I've been in love with since the first moment I saw you......" His tears continue to fall down his cheeks as he speaks....I let out a shuttering breath, his words still ringing in the air, he slowly steps a little closer.

He gently cups  my cheek in his hand, trying to comfort me as the tears continue to run down his face. fuck his need to always comfort, I bite back a giggle at the thought, before he continues "No matter what happens, know that my heart will always be yours...... I'll never stop loving you...... no matter what... It's always been you......" I look at him and feel my stomach turn at his words, there true....I know there true.....and that's why I finally let my walls crack the slightest as i wipe a tear away from his face with my thumb. "Please talk to me...... I can't bear to see you in pain...... I can't bear to see you like this...... I hate knowing you're hurting inside....... you don't have to go through this alone...... you can trust me and talk to me......" I sigh as i put my hands on the side of his face and bring it gently down towards mine so I can rest my forehead against his, I know once I say these words there's no going back....and you know what...for once I'm ready, "I love you Mattheo Riddle. i-i've tried to stop, but I cant keep denying I'm fucking in love with you", He lets out another shaky breath and he slowly lifts his arms up and gently wraps them around me, pulling my body closer to him, the butterflies in my stomach doing fucking summersults as his embrace gentlely holds me close against him...... "I love you too ..... More than you can ever know...... I could never stop......" He whispers quietly, his words filled with love and emotion..... tears continue to fall down my cheeks, only this time, I think there hopefull tears. He gently lifts my chin with his fingers and gently kisses away the tears on my cheeks, his touch and kisses filled with love and care. "Please don't cry......" I look into his eyes feeling all the questions, all the pain, hurt, longing, finally snapping and rushing in as i whisper 

"where did things go so wrong?"  He gently cradles my face in his hand, his eyes locked on mine as he speaks, his voice hushed "They went wrong when I made the mistake of pushing you away and not going after you...... That's where things went wrong....... I should have gone after you, I should have never pushed you away...... I know there's no excuse...... but I'll do anything to make things right...... You mean everything to me...... please let me try....." I look into his eyes, i want him...i want him so fucking bad, it hurts..."okay" i finally whisper, i let the walls come crashing down, his eyes widen slightly, a flicker of hope in his gaze. He gently cups my face in his hands and leans forward, placing a gentle kiss on my forehead, his touch soft and caring. "I'll do anything and everything you need.... just don't push me away anymore...... tell me what you need....." I nod and for once I feel hope creep in.I look up at him as a small yet hopeful smile appears on his face. He gently lifts my chin as i go on tip toe and he brings my lips gently to meet his in a tender kiss. The kiss is gentle and loving as he pours out all the love and regret he has for pushing me away before..."You'll never lose me again...... I swear it......" 

"Okay" I whisper. I know, that this time things will be diffrent. 

《♡》

As a hint of sunlight peeks in through the balcony doors the sky begins to turn a soft pink colour. I looks down at her, the sunlight softly illuminating her features. I gently rum my  fingers through her hair, caressing her face lightly. "You're beautiful....." I whisper softly, "I know"  she let's out a giggle. I chuckle softly as i hear her let out a giggle, my heart feeling lighter and lighter just from the sound of her laughing. I gently presses a tender and loving kiss on her forehead, my hold on her tightening slightly as i whisper to 

her... "I've missed you....... I've missed your smile...... your laughter....... your touch.....everything......" As i see her small tired smile, i feel a small wave of warmth spread through my chest.

Seeing her smile makes my heart feel lighter, even slightly....I gently run my fingertips over her cheek, tracing the shape of her beautiful smile as the love i have for her fills my heart..."There's that smile I love so much....." Seeing her tired smile again, my heart warms even more as i softly whisper in the morning glow... "You're exhausted...let's get you some rest... you've clearly been up all night.." I gently slide my arms around her, picking her up and cradling her against my chest as i walk back through the balcony door back into the bedroom. As i cradle her in my arms, i gently lay her down in the bed and gently tuck her in, making sure she's comfortable. I sit next to the bed, never taking my eyes off of her, incase this is all just a dream. I watch as her eyes slowly start to close, my heart still full of love and regret as the sun rises through the window. As I watch my Bella, i gently crawl into bed with her, gently wrapping my arm around her and holding her small frame close against me. I nuzzle my head into the crook of her neck, breathing in the cinnamon and vanilla bodywash she uses as i close my eyes. I feel her shift and instinctively pull her a little closer, my arm tightening slightly around her as i whispers in her ear softly, his "I love you...... I always have and always will......"I breath in again the feeling of her snuggled in my arms is soothing and without warning I finally fall asleep, with a smile on my face.