Everyone's in class, and I should be too. I'm not. I stand on the rim of the Astronomy Tower, looking out at the moors below me. It's dark and cold, rainy, making the stone surface slippery, but I'm good at balancing. Another wind blows around me, catching my robes and making air pockets. I pull my sweater sleeves down, shivering a little.
It's lonely up here, quiet and sad - like me. 

And you'll always be lonely. No one likes you, Lena. Everyone's afraid of you.

I hate the little voice in my head. It makes me sad and angry and depressed, and then I get into fights with people I care about. It's always right, though. No one here at Hogwarts likes me. Alex just hangs around because no one else shares his analytical mind, but he's not really close. Sisa is annoyingly aggressive, and she rubs me the wrong way. Saoirse tries, but she's caught up in her own past, too closed up, to let me in. Peggy confides in me, but I think she's too busy with Zinia and Sirius to hang out with me much anymore. Claire never takes her nose out of that book anymore, so I don't know what she thinks of me now, even if she did help me lats year.

The only person who I can trust, really and truly, is Kate. No matter what happens (and a lot of stuff has happened), she's been right by my side. She's always put aside her own problems to deal with mine. 

I crouch on the wall, trying to avoid the rain. It's really cold, but it's silent up here, so I can think- maybe not a good thing. You're no use to anyone, the voice says. You should just jump now and save everyone the trouble.
I tighten my hands on the wall, leaning forward a little to take a better look at exactly how high up I am.

I hear footsteps behind me, splashing slightly in the rain. Probably just another student cutting class, like me. I ignore them, following my number-one rule: Don't initiate contact, don't even look at the other person. Chances are, you'll be ignored. I don't like to talk to people who I don't know, because I'm so scared of letting something slip. 

"Lena, NO!" It's Saoirse, the person behind me. Her scream catches me off guard, and I pitch forward- right off of the parapet. I scream as I hurtle down, managing to grip the slick grey stone for a split second- but that second is enough.

Saoirse's cold, pale hand grabs my wrist and holds on tight, pulling me up slowly but steadily. I climb the wall as best I can, stepping into chinks in the stone. As soon as I'm on solid ground, Saoirse slaps me, hard, across the face.
"What was that about?" I ask, holding my left cheek.

"What was that about?" She's shouting darkly, her accent thicker than ever. "You go and throw yourself off of towers, that's what that was about! We have too much going on right now, with Kate's problems and my headaches and Peggy's-" she catches herself, as if Peggy's very name could bring a blight upon the land. "-that Glenn eejit making everything worse, can you imagine if you killed yourself on top of it all?"

I can't help it, I start to laugh. It's a mirthless sound, one of hysterics and shock. 

"What's so funny?" Saoirse looks like a damp, angry cat, with her hair in bedraggled locks and her eyes wild. 

"Me? You think I was trying to - HA!" I'm doubled over now, and I sound more than a bit insane. My hair, which is wet as well, is flopping in my face, and I'm wiping the droplets of water off of my face. My voice softens a little. "But I might as well. I'm of no use to anyone. Kate's terrified of me, and I'm scared of myself. I feel so bad sometimes."

Saoirse kneels beside me. "Why?"

I think for a moment. Should I tell her, or should I keep it in forever? If I keep it inside, no one else can judge me, make assumptions and guesses about me, as though they know me better than I do. But if I tell her, I'll lose the burden that's been on my shoulders since last year. I'll finally get a chance to relax and maybe have a little fun. If I tell her...

"Saoirse." My breath hitches in my throat, but I keep talking. "There's something you should know. About me. About last year."

"Go ahead." 

"Last year, Kate and I were on our own in the hallway. Some Slytherin boys - Mulciber, and Avery, and Snape- came up to us and started making fun of us. One of them started kicking Kate and hexing us. They kept asking what we were going to do about it. Kate was bleeding, and then I snapped, all of a sudden.

"I don't know what came over me. I whipped out my wand, and I performed one of the worst spells I knew. We had read about them in Defense class last month."

"The Cruciatus Curse," Saoirse breathes, but then lets me continue. 

"I got this sort of scary, sick pleasure out of watching them writhing in pain. And then I look up, and something holds my attention long enough for the spell to stop. Kate's screaming in terror- and she's scared of me.

"I had an official trial at the Ministry of Magic. They were going to have me expelled, and a few people wanted me sent to Azkaban. In the end, they said that I was defending myself and that, in my terror, I used the first spell I could think of. I had to leave school for the remainder of the year. I wasn't allowed to take my OWLs, and I'm retaking them at the end of this year."

Saoirse looks like she wants to say something, but I keep talking.

"Kate has post-traumatic stress disorder, and anxiety, and all kinds of other stuff, because of me. It's all my fault." I'm crying now, both with the sadness of the memory and with the relief of finally, finally, telling someone. 

I stand up and walk down the stairs, ignoring the look on Saoirse's face, her expression a mixture of sympathy, realisation and understanding. But I don't have time to think about how judgement and horror wasn't found in her face. I just spirit my way to the Ravenclaw tower and fall onto my bed and into a deep sleep.