-Entertainment
Section-

This section is a wonderfully entertaining jumble of
things put together to hopefully amuse readers, containing Harry Potter jokes,
funny columns, memes and more - there are changes made each week so that's why
this introduction lacks a list. The writers for this section are:

Dean McCormick

Lilia Le Fay

Tali Mere

Maria Fell

Jamie Pevensie

Debanessa Gilson

And this issue, in the absence of Dean's writing, we have a special guest column from Lexi Horst!

Guest Column:

(written by Lexi Horst)

So, when I was little, I was... Strange, to say the
least. So it all started in first grade. I was convinced I was a spy back then.
So our teacher had us do nonfiction writing. Naturally, I was a slacker. So I
wrote EXACTLY 3 words. I am a spy. That was all. So, I read, and she said it
was fiction. Thanks, 1st grade teacher, for ruining an imagination. That recess
after I lied and said I had finished all my work so I could go and play (I
know, SUCH A REBEL), my teacher apologized, and I forgave her. But, from that
day forth, I really wanted to never write again. But hey, I wrote this, haha!
So yeah... 1st grade wasn't the greatest.

Meme:

Remember what happened to the three brothers and
you'll understand ;) 

JOKES:

Q: Why did Draco cross the road?

A: So he could swing his hips at Potter

Q: How many Slytherins does it take to screw in a
lightbulb?

A: One to blackmail a Hufflepuff

Q: How many normal Seekers does it take to change a
lightbulb?

A: One, but he gets a hundred and fifty points for it

Q: How many Beaters does it take to screw in a
lightbulb?

A: Two… one to hit the bulb with his bat, the other to
see what's going on, hit the first with his bat, and then change the lightbulb

Entertainment Column 2: Muggle Gaming

(written by Tali Mere)

Come one, come all, to Tali’s Gaming Column! Has
anyone noticed the irony in my name yet (besides the fact that it can make
great puns)? Shoot me an owl and if you get it correct I’ll feature you in the
article AND you can pick the story I wrote about. Writers of the Magazine
cannot participate! Let's get to it then.

Now this story took some pondering. How would I word
it? What would I say? Should I pick another story? I'm pulling this story from
Roblox. I was playing my favorite game, Epic Minigames.

It all started on a stormy night- too cliche. This one
actually took place recently.. Last month. I met 3 people: Arran, Alexis, and
Tabby. It all started when I decided to wear my Asuna outfit that I had put
together with my friend Haldric. He was playing Kirito (Asuna’s boyfriend).
Several of my friends have heard that story between us, but it's too funny to
pass up on the opportunity. I guess I should tell all my readers that's I’m a
huge Anime fan. Back on track!

Asuna is from the Anime, Sword Art Online,
conveniently my first Anime ever. First came Alexis, she was over the moon that
I was dressed as Asuna. She inferred that I had watched Sword Art Online,
making me an Anime Lover. This drew the interest of Tabby, a fellow Anime Lover
alongside Alexis and I.

Then Arran followed in pursuit, stalking its prey.
Little did he know that I would be the hungry predator.

Laughing and giggling (mainly because of me) like
average teenage girls do, Arran walked up to me and started flirting with me.
My Shoulder Demon said I should flirt back while my Shoulder Angel said I
wasn't interested in ODing. Of course I did what my Shoulder Angel told me I
should do. But Arran didn't give up that easily.. Just like Gon from Hunters X
Hunters. He's best friends with my beloved Killua! If I were to become a person
in that Anime I would pull a Juvia on him or maybe even a Tamaki.

With my new found posse, I was soon the most popular
girl on the server. Things escalate quickly on Roblox. Tabby soon left, but
Arran and Alexis stayed with me for another hour or so playing Epic Minigames.
It was a good 2 hours that had been played since I had gained at least two
levels. Finally we left to go play Two Shue’s Freeze Tag, another game on
Roblox. As you can guys probably already know, it's Freeze Tag. Either virtual
or in real life, I dominate at Freeze Tag.

Maybe it was because Arran was on the rebound of I was
just too charming for my own good, but he suddenly proclaimed his love for me.
Y’know, I ignored it of course since I was in an extremely awkward situation.
But of course he protested it several times, and I had to let the fella down.
Alexis and I continued dominating the Freeze Tag server while Arran left (it
was 12 AM). I haven't played with them since, but we’re all on good terms. This
story is finished but another soon awaits you.. Keep on reading!

Haldric is his name, or Noah if you prefer. Not
Haldric has a certain ring to it. Honestly, this was one of the best times of
“RPing” I’d ever done. He was dressed as Kirito and I was dressed as Asuna.
They're a couple in the Anime Sword Art Online. I will sink with their ship
Kasuna (same as NaLu screw you NaLi fans). Kasuna reminds me Kasumi from- ouch!
Thanks Lilia, I almost gave it away there.

Of course we were playing Epic Minigames. There was
one certain Minigames where Haldric lost his legs, Rocket Rumble. You were
given a rocket and the task to be the last three standing alive to collect a
win towards your level up. Next game (I don't remember the title) it was a
parkour one where you had to collect a diamond so you could collect a win. Once
you got a diamond you were sent back to the Lobby.

Racing to a diamond, I had to jump up stairs that were
all torn apart. Haldric was right at my heels trying to collect it hoping for a
screw-up from me. That's exactly what happened, my hand that had my mouse in
hand slipped so my character turned around and fell off. Haldric, with no legs,
collected the diamond for himself. If he hasn't been there I would've raged
quit. I got beat my a cripple, in parkour! Besides, I'm better at him in
Parkour.

Haldric begged me not to be mad at him and repeatedly
said he loves me, all I could do was laugh and tell him I loved him too (we
were playing as a couple). Honestly, I don't know where the I love you came
from, but I just went along with it. That brings us to Laser Guidance, another
Minigame that I love because I’m incredibly good at it.

Someone is the controller and moved two laser around
to kill off everyone. Your objective is to survive, which I usually do. Only
Haldric and I beat it, dressed as Asuna and Kirito. I started crying and told
him,”Asuna and Kirito together forever!” I cherish that memory (it only
happened a month ago) because it was one of the best things a fangirls could
ask for.

That's all I have for you today in story-time. But to
match the Roblox theme I have found a Roblox pick-up line. 

(http://eleqtra.deviantart.com/art/ROBLOX-Hot-Pickup-Line-500179726) 

She should really fix her grammar before hitting on
people. It's not attractive in the least.

Mine is: Sky Water Vale.

Gaming terms of the Issue:

ODing: In the Gaming World we do not think of it as
the word Overdosing but as Online Dating. In my eyes it's seen as two stupid
little kids claiming they're in love with each other.

Parkour: the activity or sport of moving through an
area, negotiating obstacles by running, jumping, and, climbing. Now just
translate that into the virtual world!

See you all next issue!

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Guess the Second Generation Character:

Link to form here: LINK

-Lilia Le Fay

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Harry Potter Scene: Malfoy the Ferret

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-FANTASTIC BEAST OF THE ISSUE - CHIMAERA-

A Chimaera is a type of hybrid animal and a violent magical
creature native to Greece. They have been featured in a few ancient Muggle
Greek myths but are simply known as very dangerous beasts by magical folk. Although Chimaeras were known to exist by witches and wizards for
centuries, Andrew Hawk was the first magizoologist to study and classify the
creatures in 1816.

The Chimaera is a vicious, bloodthirsty creature with a lion's
head, a goat's body, and a dragon's tail. Because of their ferocity, Chimaeras are
classified by the Ministry of Magic as XXXXX (known wizard killer), and
their eggs are classified as Class A Non-Tradable Materials, though
they are dealt with in the black market.

Although Chimaeras were known to exist by witches and wizards for
centuries, Andrew Hawk was the first magizoologist to study and classify the
creatures in 1816. However, returning once again to study them, Hawk was sadly
killed by one and this is used as a warning to stay away from them.

There is only one recorded instance of a wizard killing a Chimaera, although the victory was soured when the wizard fell from his winged horse. 

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Advice Column:

(written by Jamie Pevensie and Lilia Le Fay)

Question One: “I don’t have any
motivation to get this really difficult HiH test done…any help?”

Answer: We
all know motivation – especially for studying – is supremely difficult to find.
Often on HiH you think ‘oh, this doesn’t have a deadline, I’ll just do it
later’ – and later turns into a week and then even more time…so how do we
conquer the problem? What’s my advice for retrieving motivation?

The
answer is – motivation can only be found by your self-discipline. Knuckle down
and do that assignment, whether it’s difficult or not. Then, as you start to do
it, you will find motivation. There’ll be a sense of achievement because you’re
finally doing it, and when you’re able to advance to the next lesson, you’ll
want to! The secret behind motivation is only you and your self-discipline, and
you have to be strong to bring the motivation on. Don’t think that’s advice?
Give it a go. Get round to that assignment you’ve been needing to do for ages.
Get past it and you’ll find you want to do the next lesson, and the next. Your
motivation will up itself after an achievement. But you’re not going to get
anywhere unless you either get it together or simply wait until you have a
boost of motivation. 

Question One: An anonymous account has been making rude comments on my posts and making me feel awful. What do I do?

Answer:First and foremost, they're lying. You're an awesome person, and they're a TROLL. Trolls amuse themselves by making other people feel bad, leaving rude comments on their posts and bad reviews for places they've never been to. They like to spark conflict online, just to spark conflict. 

If they made a post on your profile, report it. People shouldn't get to make rude statements about you and get away with it. A moderator or administrator will take the post down and help you feel better. If they've commented or owled you, however, just delete it or ignore them. No one gets to belittle you or make you think you're not good enough. 

After that, just do something to make yourself feel a bit cheerier. Read a favorite book, talk to a friend, or something similar. Tell yourself what a great person and a great friend you are, and I promise- things get easier from here.

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Harry Potter Character of the Issue: Seamus Finnigan

Seamus Finnigan, schoolmate and later close friend of
Harry Potter and renowned wizarding pyrotechnic, is our Harry Potter Character
of the issue.

Finnigan in his school
years

Hailing from Westport, Ireland, Seamus
attended Hogwarts from 1991-1998, a schoolmate of Harry Potter who later fought
in the battle of Hogwarts and lent his pyrotechnic skills in the fight. After
Voldemort was defeated, Seamus went on to play for his local Quidditch team in
the role of chaser, developing new Pyrotechnic spells in his spare time. These
spells were eventually discovered by a researcher and published with Finnigan’s
permission, resulting in the wizard becoming famous for the advanced fire charms.
Finnigan also contributed to Hermione Weasley’s book ‘My account of the
wizarding war’ and has received more fame because of this.

In his school years, Finnigan was a member of
Gryffindor house and best friends with Dean Thomas, though he was also associated
closely with Harry Potter. In his fifth year, however, Finnigan almost did not
return to the school on account of Potter because Finnigan’s mother, Sinead
Finnigan, believed what was written in the daily prophet about Potter. As a
result, Finnigan entered a feud with Potter and did not speak to him until he
began attending the DA meetings that his friend Dean had persuaded him to come
along to. Finnigan later apologized to Potter and their friendship was renewed.
After the wizarding war, Finnigan and Potter became even closer friends and
there are rumors that Finnigan may be secretly training as an Auror to work in
Potter’s ministry office.

Finnigan has not yet married but has been in
a long-term relationship with Susan Bones and the two are expected to be
engaged some time soon.

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-Wizarding War Families-

It has recently been announced that Luna Scamander (neé Lovegood) is
expecting another child! Nine years after the birth of her twin sons Lorcan and
Lysander, Mrs. Scamander has discovered herself pregnant again, this time
hoping for a daughter. She stated in an interview;

"I don't think
I'm surprised at all, really, only very happy. It'll be nice to have a little
screamer again, even if you are deprived of sleep."

When asked about possible names for the child, she answered;

"Well I want
something different, you know, like Helio, Path or Sinead. But Rolf says if
it's a little girl we should follow on from my name and call her Star."

Yes, Rolf Scamander was also overjoyed at the news, and the Scamander
house in Western Ireland seems to be a very happy place at the moment; The two
parents having just proved the existence of Heliopaths; spirits of fire, and
the twins, Lorcan and Lysander, having celebrated their tenth birthday only
yesterday. The new baby is estimated to be due in September and the twins state
that they are very excited.

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That's all for this Issue's entertainment section! Read next time for more amusing presentations!