TW AND CW: very heavy cursing, mature jokes

Ana sat down next to Remus. "Hi."

They were sitting in the library on their favorite beanbags.

"Hi, An," he said with a grin, looking up.

"What's going on with my favorite swearwolf?" Ana joked quietly.

"I don't swear THAT much-"

"Yesterday you called James a bitch for stealing your chocolate," Ana recited. "Then you made him permanently infertile by kicking him in the nuts."

A/n: Harry reading this rn: eXsQeEsE Me?!

Remus winced. "Thankfully, I did not get in trouble for that."

"Yeah, because James was too busy whining over his pain."

"Which makes sense, because I kicked him in the nuts."

"I know you did."

"I know."

"Yes."

"Godric, why am I friends with such a pain in the arse?" groaned Remus.

"Swearwolf."

"Annie."

"Nope," Ana sighed. "We've been over this. I will accept any insult INCLUDING bitch and bastard. But NEVER Annie."

"But it's your name."

"It's the name of a wuss who got saved by her frickin' knight in shining armor."

"The Sorting Hat literally called out the name," Remus cleared his throat in preperation. "Annie Esmeralda Miracle."

"Which is the world's most cringiest name," groaned Ana. "And how do you even remembe-"

"Hi, Remmyyyyyy," said a squealing voice from behind them.

Remus turned around. "Oh. Hullo."

Ana's expression remained. "Zhara, wonderful to see you again!!

Zhara blinked and then squealed. "Oh, hi Annie! Ugh, I remember that name because it's so beautiful!"

"Thank you!" Ana said happily.

Remus was a bit taken aback at this, seeing as:

A: Ana HATED being called Annie (even though LEGALLY, it was her name).

B: Ana desperately wanted to murder Zhara.

C: He also wondered why he wasn't stopping Ana from murdering Zhara, but apparently he didn't mind.

"So," Zhara continued, turning to Remus. "How are you?"

Remus glanced at Ana suspiciously. "I- er... I'm fine?'

"Oh, uncertain!" Zhara laughed shrilly, an unnatural noise. "Ah, that's so adorable."

"I know, right!" Ana agreed, not daring to look at Remus. "He's just wonderful."

"Oh, my," said Zhara, gasping dramatically as if she actually cared about the situation. "Are you two... together?"

"No, we aren't," Ana said kindly. "But you know, if you wanted to get with him, it's not like I would mind. Go ahead, Zhara, do your thing."

"Oh, you Hufflepuffs are so kind!"

"Well..." said Ana, thoughtfully. "Not all of us. For example, I'm the baddest bitch that walked this Earth. Clearly, you're not."

"Excuse me?"

"I'm saying that I'll use my middle finger to poke your eyes in so much that they'll hit the back of your cerebrum," Ana said mock sympathetically.

"What the hell is a cerebrum?" Zhara said, flipping her hair.

"I think the eyes would end up bouncing around your empty head, because I don't think it even has some sort of brains in it," Ana said wittily.

"Fuck you!" Zhara said dramatically.

"Really?" said Ana happily. "Right here, or like in a bedroom or something...?"

"Midair, stop being so horrid!"

"If you actually knew me, you'd know that my name is Ana Miracle and I can and I will smack the shit outta you," Ana said, standing up. "Get out."

"What?"

"If you're not here to study, then get the hell away out."

"Oh my god, fine," Zhara said, then turned to Remus and mouthed, "She's demented."

Remus gaped. "I'm so done with this. Stop being so horrid!"

"I'm not horrid!" Then Zhara paused. "Oh no, has she been giving you some mean potions again? It's ok, I'll tell a teacher, my love."

"What the fuck did you just call him?" Ana said. "Did you just call him 'my love?'"

"Well, he's not yours."

"Get the hell out."

"Alright," Zhara started to walk out of the library but then looked at Remus and said, "We're going out this Saturday at the Three Broomsticks."

Then she ran away before Ana could inflict any physical and mental harm onto her.

Ana sat down.

Remus blinked. "Oh. My. Godric."

"What a bitch," Ana muttered. "She's the kind of person who stands out in the sun to dry her sweat."

"I'm not sure I like that analogy, but it works," said Remus. "But... are you alright?"

"I'm always fine," Ana said, blowing a strand of brown hair out of her face in annoyance. "But what about you? She was getting all googly-eyed over you!"

"And I wanna stab her eyes!" Remus chimed in.

"Wait..." Ana said, turning to look at him. "You don't like her, right?"

Remus scoffed. "Of course not!"

"You told me you met two weeks ago! I assumed you liked her!'

"I hated her, I was just too nice to ditch her," Remus amended.

"Then just sass her and walk away."

"How do I-"

"You're Remus Lupin, you can figure it out," said Ana brightly, rubbing Remus' back. "You're the most wonderful person I've ever met, alright? Don't forget that, or I can slap the shit outta you to make you see sense."

"Best pep talk I've ever had."

"Thank you."

A moment of silence. "I have been feeling a little weird over this other girl, though," continued Remus. "She's nice, and funny, and sassy, smart. But I have no idea how to talk to her."

"Maybe start off with just a simple hello," Ana suggested, feeling a hole in the deep pit of her stomach. "Then start saying hi to her everyday. Maybe start studying together and start exchanging chocolate or something."

"I love chocolate."

"I know you do."

They sat in silence for a couple of seconds until Remus pulled a chocolate bar out of his pocket.

He snapped the tiny bar in half and gestured to Ana to see if she wanted one.

"Chocolate?" he asked.

"Of course."

Hope you enjoyed this chapterrrrrrrrrr

i'll be adding lots more Remus/Ana action soon :)

Thx for all the readddssssss

Love, Jui Weasley