Looking for feed back

written by Alice

Hello! This is the first time I've tried to sit down and write a chapter of my story and I want some feed back for it!

Last Updated

05/31/21

Chapters

1

Reads

351

Chapter one

Chapter 1
Alice looked out her window, it was a nice enough day, she yawned as the sun peeked out from behind a cloud, she had to get up, it was friday so the travellers market would be in town. Alice got up and walked over to her dresser, since she would be down at the shrine she needed something nice, but not too formal, she selected a navy blue blouse and paired it with a cute black skirt. Suddenly she heard loud footsteps thundering down the hallway towards her, she braced for impact, her bedroom door swung open,
“Alice, Alice! I’m going to Micheals house today!” Her little brother Will screeched as he ran around her room, he was still wearing his nightshirt, but he had managed to change into a pair of shorts, Alice sighed
“I know Will.” How could she forget, he had not shut up about it since he had gotten the invite to his friends birthday party, Alice looked over at him again, his dirty blonde hair was unkempt and he had a serious case of bed head,
“We still have a lot to do before 1:00 so get dressed.” She said, wanting him out of her room,
“Fine.” He said in a whiny high pitched voice, he ran out, slamming the door behind him. Alice sighed and headed to the bathroom to change. After she changed she headed out to the kitchen where her father was already eating his breakfast, she hurried past him not making eye contact as she got two bowls from a cabinet, she set the bowls down with a clink and filled them both with cereal, she poured the milk into one carefully, she set the milk down waiting for her brother to get down stairs,
“You never learn, put the milk away it will spoil if you leave it out!” Her father shouted, Alice flinched as his shout echoed in her ears, she quickly poured the milk and put it away. Will's voice echoed through the halls,
“Ali, do we have to pray today?” she looked up, he had just emerged from the hallway to his bedroom, “Yeah, so go get an offering for Hebe.” Her brother never planned ahead, he would never have an offering in time, and would always hurriedly search for one on the walk to the shrine. His eyes widened and he hurried off back down the hall. Alice ate her cereal as quickly as she could, Will rushed out of his room again, this time holding a small toy in his hand,
“Ok! I’ve got it this time!” He said exited, Will hurried up to her and got his bowl of cereal, witch he ate sloppily, spilling milk all down his chin,
“William, please mind your manners.” Alice sighed, he had never been one to listen to rules. He sloppily wiped his face and jumped out of his chair and hurried to the mud room,
“Well we are going down to the shrine, I’ll get the groceries on my way to drop Will off.” She said quietly to her father, he nodded curtly barely even looking at her. She sighed quietly as she walked to meet Will,
“Are you ready?” She asked, he was struggling to tie his shoes, Alice bent down and tied them, she had been trying to teach him how to tie his shoes for the longest time, but he never seemed to grasp it. Alice pulled on a pair of boots and a satchel and they headed out the door. It was warm, dew glistened on the grass, as they made their way down a path behind their house. Will hopped down the stairs, Alice tightened her grip on her bag, she had a strange feeling, like the calm before a storm, she shook the feeling off as they reached the bottom of the hill and headed down a different path. Finally they reached a small building, it was a shrine to the Goddess Hebe, Alice’s mother had been a devout follower of Hebe when Alice was a baby she would bring her down to the shrine and pray for her health and well being. That was about 14 years ago, when their family was whole, now she brought Will down to the shrine on friday, and prayed for him as her mother had done for her,
“Good morning.” Lily's soft voice echoed from inside the shrine,
“Good morning auntie!” Will said running in to see her, Lily wasn’t really their aunt, but she had been one of their moms closest friends and had tutored Alice a couple years back,
“ Good morning.” Alice said following Will into the shrine, it was small, it was a little larger than Alice's bedroom, but not by much. Against the far wall there was a statue of the Goddess Hebe, in front of her was a short table for offerings and prayers. Will was hugging Lily when Alice entered, he turned when she entered,
“Ok go give your offering to Hebe Will.” Alice said, she wanted to talk to Lily, it had been a while since she had been at the shrine, even though she was a priestess,
“Aunt Lily, are you ok? It’s been awhile since we’ve seen you here.” She said in a hushed tone, not wanting Will to overhear,
“I’m alright, I asked Hebe for rest, and my request was granted.” Alice pursed her lips slightly, she didn’t believe a word she said, Lily was fragile, she got sick often, but didn’t want anyone to worry about her, so she would normally lie and make up excuses for her absences. Alice walked over to the altar, Will had already finished praying and had gone outside, she knelt down and placed her offering on the altar, it wasn’t much, she had found a patch of wildflowers, and had gathered a few the night before so they would be fresh that morning, she laced her fingers and prayed, she prayed for the prospering of her village this spring, spring is the season of new beginnings after all, she heard footsteps outside, she rose slowly and turned to face the entrance, a tall girl with brown hair stood in the doorway holding a small dish with several cookies,
“Good morning Nora.” Alice said smiling, Nora was one of Alice’s classmates, they had been in school together for as long as she could remember, but they had never been the best of friends, Nora smiled,
Morning!” She called, walking in
“Long time no see, how ya been?” She asked, opening her arms for a hug, Alice stepped into her embrace,
“I’ve been good, it’s been a boring break though.” She said as they broke apart, Nora nodded,
“Yeah, nothing happened, it’s so boring .” She was right, this was probably the most boring spring break ever, there was no one around, it was like a ghost town,
“Dude, did you hear about Jordan?” Nora asked in a hushed tone, Alice really didn’t want to hear about what Jordan had done this time but she couldn’t help being curious,
“What did he do this time?” She asked in a exasperated tone,
“I heard he’s going out with Jessica, can you believe it?” She said, in truth Alice could believe it, they were both assholes who like to put others down it was only a matter of time that they got together,
“God, now we have to deal with both of them at the same time.” Alice said, Nora sighed,
“Yeah, so lets enjoy this break while we can!” She said smiling, Alice nodded,
“Well, I’ll leave you to it, see you later!” She said walking out of the shrine,
“Bye see ya!” Nora called. Alice stepped out of the shrine and looked around, she saw Will and Lily a little ways down the path, she jogged up to them,
“Ah, Alice Will was just telling me about a birthday party he’s going to.” Lily said, Alice smiled,
“Yeah, we’re just going to run some errands and then he’ll be off.” Will jumped up and down,
“Yay! Yay! Yay!” He exclaimed, running around them. Lily smiled and looked over at Alice, “I pray you haven’t been hearing about this too much.” Alice giggled, Will hadn’t shut up about it since he got the invitation,
"Well, I must be going, have fun at that party Will." Lily said patting him on the head and turning to leave,
"Bye auntie!" Will yelled, Alice waved till she disappeared around the corner.
"Come on Will, lets go." Alice said taking his hand and pulling him along.




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