The Life Of A Fangirl
A work in progress book that is constantly being updated about my life, basically the ridiculousness of being in love, being a fangirl, being a dancer/actress/singer/writer/songwriter and just being ME. I hope you guys can gain a few laughs and a few lessons from these stories.
Last Updated
05/31/21
Chapters
6
Reads
1,193
Poetry.
Chapter 5
I write poetry, yes. Some of it is kinda dark and weird, and some of it isn't. Either way, I hope you guys like it.
Bleached November
The colors of a bleached November
In an abandoned parking lot
Washed away against a scarlet sunset.
The snow drifted gently, the wind whistled,
Softly rocking the earth to sleep,
And the day was burning out
Against a bleached, white landscape,
The sound of a song echoed for miles out there,
With the open sky and crisp ice and snow.
The beauty of the world silenced me,
And it seemed that the snow muffled everything.
There was a peaceful stillness in the air.
Winter had fallen,
And the cold had starched the world,
Taken the freedom of daisies and greens
And replaced it with the bitter loving of ice.
I don't believe in God.
I believe in people's inner demons,
And I believe in love.
I believe in music and in ice,
And I believe that demons,
Love, music, and ice make life.
And that the ice makes us realize
What we need when it starves us out.
We have an insatiable thirst for love
That is never quenched.
Music is the sound of the soul,
And demons are the evil inside.
And I believe that everything was hanging there,
In that one moment of crimson sky
And white ice and song and soul
And a thousand new beginnings
At the end of the night.
And still in my memory,
The crimson hangs above the snow
Like blood on an angel's wing.
Focus
You focused on the black and white of the keys
I focused on the sound of notes
Dancing through the air, creating a storm, only to finally
rest
Making up the shape of your face.
You focused on the movements of your fingers
I focused on the curve of your brow,
The soft shape of your eyelids, the way the corners of your
mouth
Ever so slightly slanted upwards into a soft smile.
You focused on the rhythm driven into your skull
I focused on memorizing you,
Every single detail; your eyes, your freckles, the way your
hair
Curls down to rest just above your eyelashes.
You focused on the shape of the notes
I focused on the way you danced so slightly
Shifting from side to side, rocking yourself gently,
something so small
You’d have to be in love to notice it.
You focused on the feeling in the room,
I focused on the memories of your heartbeat
The way I could feel you breathing only the day before, the
soft memory
Of your lips against mine.
So my love, as you focused on the music,
I focused on you. I focused on your life,
And to answer your question, yes. You help my life more
Than you will ever truly understand.
And my love, while you were focused on the music,
I couldn’t help but noticing the way
Your eyes seemed to be closed as you played, even though I
knew
They were wide open, concentrating.
Oh, my love, in those few moments of focus,
With your closed eyes and half smile and beautiful
Soul, you completely completed me. You were what I focused
on
Because there was nothing that could compare.
Screaming
Death has eyes of flesh and stone
His lips made of blood and bone
He sits next to me as I cry
As though he knows I cannot die
Death lies in words unspoken
Followed by your spell, unbroken
Every color drained away
Your stone heart lasts another day
Death is barren and cold
Stealing souls of the young and old
And as I lie here bleeding
I wonder if his presence is misleading
Death is inside of me
The demons I will not set free
He lurks in the shadows of my skin
Hoping I will let you in
Death is inside of you
Hoping to get you angry, too
He wants to tear me limb from limb
To fill his cup of blood to the brim
Death steals the night
The screaming souls that put up a fight
I am Death, and I am all around
But your soul doesn’t make a sound.
Broken Promises
How do you tell someone
That you broke your promise?
How you’d pushed and
That you’d drawn against skin?
Who do you tell that you cried
When you were all alone?
Who do you go to for help
When you’re torn beyond repair?
Why do they let you cry,
If they know you’re dying?
Whey does the sun still shine,
If we’re all still cloaked in grey?
‘Cause silence is full
And words are empty
Silence is the pain
And words are the knives.
A Midnight Conversation
Deeply felt words
Drifting off into the night
Openly communicating
My heart poured out to you
A promise of forever
Describing words held back
For far too long
I'd always wanted to say
Just how much I love you
In the gray-blue light
Of early dawn, still awake,
Alone this morning, and
Yet never again alone.
I realized that the moment
I gave up hope, gave up caring...
I found everything
I have always been looking for.
As I revealed to you
That which was written
In my heart
Both fear and calm
Overcame my mind.
I had to let you know
How I crave that someday,
That all my future hopes
Rest in those gray blue dawns.
The morning light stroked my face,
A touch as gentle as your own.
The sweet melody of you
The only song in my head.
I will hold forever
The secrets of your heart.
I would love to be yours
And have you be mine
Until the day my heart stops.
I love you
With all that I am
And all that I will ever be
And I hope that you know
You mean everything to me.
How I See You
I don't expect
For you to see
The way
I
See you.
But you're my
Heartbeat,
Something I
Will
ALWAYS need.
You're the autumn
Breeze, never-ending
Beam of summer
That I will
Always
Cling to.
You're the first
Ray of spring after
A bleached winter,
A symbol of new
Love.
You're my country
Gentleman, my
Rebellious best friend,
You're my hope, my
Beautiful redemption.
But overall... You are
YOU.