The Life Of A Fangirl

A work in progress book that is constantly being updated about my life, basically the ridiculousness of being in love, being a fangirl, being a dancer/actress/singer/writer/songwriter and just being ME. I hope you guys can gain a few laughs and a few lessons from these stories.

Last Updated

05/31/21

Chapters

6

Reads

1,193

Poetry.

Chapter 5

I write poetry, yes. Some of it is kinda dark and weird, and some of it isn't. Either way, I hope you guys like it.


Bleached November

The colors of a bleached November

 In an abandoned parking lot 

Washed away against a scarlet sunset. 

The snow drifted gently, the wind whistled, 

Softly rocking the earth to sleep,

 And the day was burning out 

Against a bleached, white landscape, 

The sound of a song echoed for miles out there,

 With the open sky and crisp ice and snow.

 The beauty of the world silenced me, 

And it seemed that the snow muffled everything.

 There was a peaceful stillness in the air.

 Winter had fallen,

 And the cold had starched the world,

 Taken the freedom of daisies and greens

 And replaced it with the bitter loving of ice. 

I don't believe in God.

 I believe in people's inner demons, 

And I believe in love.

 I believe in music and in ice, 

And I believe that demons,

 Love, music, and ice make life.

 And that the ice makes us realize

 What we need when it starves us out. 

We have an insatiable thirst for love

 That is never quenched.

 Music is the sound of the soul, 

And demons are the evil inside. 

And I believe that everything was hanging there, 

In that one moment of crimson sky

 And white ice and song and soul

And a thousand new beginnings 

At the end of the night.

 And still in my memory,

 The crimson hangs above the snow

 Like blood on an angel's wing.


Focus



You focused on the black and white of the keys



I focused on the sound of notes



Dancing through the air, creating a storm, only to finally
rest



Making up the shape of your face.


You focused on the movements of your fingers



I focused on the curve of your brow,



The soft shape of your eyelids, the way the corners of your
mouth



Ever so slightly slanted upwards into a soft smile.


You focused on the rhythm driven into your skull



I focused on memorizing you,



Every single detail; your eyes, your freckles, the way your
hair



Curls down to rest just above your eyelashes.


You focused on the shape of the notes



I focused on the way you danced so slightly



Shifting from side to side, rocking yourself gently,
something so small



You’d have to be in love to notice it.


You focused on the feeling in the room,



I focused on the memories of your heartbeat



The way I could feel you breathing only the day before, the
soft memory



Of your lips against mine.


So my love, as you focused on the music,



I focused on you. I focused on your life,



And to answer your question, yes. You help my life more



Than you will ever truly understand.


And my love, while you were focused on the music,



I couldn’t help but noticing the way



Your eyes seemed to be closed as you played, even though I
knew



They were wide open, concentrating.


Oh, my love, in those few moments of focus,



With your closed eyes and half smile and beautiful



Soul, you completely completed me. You were what I focused
on



Because there was nothing that could compare.


Screaming

Death has eyes of flesh and stone



His lips made of blood and bone



He sits next to me as I cry



As though he knows I cannot die


Death lies in words unspoken



Followed by your spell, unbroken



Every color drained away



Your stone heart lasts another day


Death is barren and cold



Stealing souls of the young and old



And as I lie here bleeding



I wonder if his presence is misleading


Death is inside of me



The demons I will not set free



He lurks in the shadows of my skin



Hoping I will let you in


Death is inside of you



Hoping to get you angry, too



He wants to tear me limb from limb



To fill his cup of blood to the brim


Death steals the night



The screaming souls that put up a fight



I am Death, and I am all around



But your soul doesn’t make a sound.


Broken Promises



How do you tell someone



That you broke your promise?



How you’d pushed and



That you’d drawn against skin?


Who do you tell that you cried



When you were all alone?



Who do you go to for help



When you’re torn beyond repair?


Why do they let you cry,



If they know you’re dying?



Whey does the sun still shine,



If we’re all still cloaked in grey?


‘Cause silence is full



And words are empty



Silence is the pain



And words are the knives.


A Midnight Conversation

Deeply felt words

Drifting off into the night

Openly communicating

My heart poured out to you

A promise of forever

Describing words held back

For far too long

I'd always wanted to say

Just how much I love you

In the gray-blue light 

Of early dawn, still awake, 

Alone this morning, and

Yet never again alone.

I realized that the moment

I gave up hope, gave up caring...

I found everything

I have always been looking for.

As I revealed to you

That which was written

In my heart

Both fear and calm 

Overcame my mind. 

I had to let you know

How I crave that someday,

That all my future hopes

Rest in those gray blue dawns.

The morning light stroked my face,

A touch as gentle as your own. 

The sweet melody of you

The only song in my head.

I will hold forever

The secrets of your heart.

I would love to be yours

And have you be mine

Until the day my heart stops.

I love you

With all that I am 

And all that I will ever be

And I hope that you know 

You mean everything to me.


How I See You

I don't expect

For you to see

The way

I

See you. 

But you're my 

Heartbeat,

Something I 

Will

ALWAYS need.

You're the autumn

Breeze, never-ending

Beam of summer

That I will 

Always 

Cling to. 

You're the first 

Ray of spring after

A bleached winter,

A symbol of new

Love.

You're my country

Gentleman, my

Rebellious best friend,

You're my hope, my

Beautiful redemption.

But overall... You are 

YOU.


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