Untitled

written by Rowan Ridley

This will be an annually updated magazine/news source created by a specific Writing club. If you are interested in joining either the writing team, the editors, or you prefer to do comics, owl Rowan Blackclaw.

Editor in Chief: Rowan Blackclaw

2nd in Command and Head Artist: Joanna Quinn

Last Updated

05/31/21

Chapters

11

Reads

4,478

June 28

Chapter 1

art by Joanna Quinn

What’s in your Butterbeer?

By: Hannah Groetsch


We have received word that your butterbeer may not be safe to drink. Sure it tastes good, but what’s actually in it? Most of you would say sugar or possibly caramel flavoring, but you’d be wrong. Something much worse lurks inside your favorite drink. Mundungus Fletcher, a frequent visitor at Hogshead pub, spoke with us earlier this week and said that after drinking Butterbeer he frequently feels lightheaded- a sure sign of the dizziness drought. And Mr. Fletcher isn’t the only one. Talented journalist Rita Skeeter says that she won’t drink butterbeer any more due to its “disturbing effects.” That’s not all, due to Butterbeer’s unique flavor there are rumors that it’s also laced with Moonseed potion and Death-Cap Draught, both of which are poisons. We asked Madam Rosmerta from the Three Broomsticks for her opinion on this matter, but received no comment and were promptly removed from the premises . For your safety, we advise you to stop buying butterbeer and use this much safer recipe instead-



Homemade Butterbeer, serves two:

Ingredients:

1/2 cup heavy whipping cream

2 tablespoons powdered sugar

24oz cream soda

4 teaspoons of butterscotch syrup

Directions:

1) Chill two glasses and the cream soda

2) Pour the whipping cream into a bowl and add powdered sugar. Whisk quickly till it thickens and looks like a foam

3) Pour the cream soda into the chilled glasses

4) Add the butterscotch syrup into the cream soda

5) Spoon on the cream topping so that it floats on top of the soda


Thanks to muggle.net for the recipe!


Is Hogwarts hitting the mark?

Written by: Rowan Blackclaw

Edited by: Shelby Hastings


Hogwarts is here! Or is it? The particular site promises the most life like Hogwarts experience yet. But does it live up to its high expectations? Hufflepuff Annie Brook reports she is involved in many clubs. She states she is involved in Elemental Magic (#25,233), Gamer's League (#25,132), Hogwarts Creature Committee (#25,105), Book Club (#25,221), Writing Club (#25,112), and S.P.E.W. (#25,106). Annie notes, “I chose these clubs to meet people who had similar interests and hopefully so that I could make some friends!” Annie tells us she is in Dorm #666. But don’t worry she has assured us that everyone is completely normal and certainly not obsessed with the Dark Arts.

Annie then further states that she does not normally find difficulty in making friends, however on HIH, she wishes it were easier to connect with people with similar interests. When asked about the activities at Hogwarts, Annie replied, “I think that maybe a few more activities wouldn't go amiss, as the only game currently is trivia, which is great but not very varied. I would suggest there should also be some games to go with the courses that make things more practical.” Indeed the only extra activity seems to be trivia, and many students have expressed disinterest in the so-called ‘game’

Ravenclaw Skye Lunar suggests Quidditch be added to the site, “whether as a minigame or another program though, I don't know.” Skye also adds she thinks it would be exciting to have some sort of inter-house Yule Ball, accompanied by a tri-wizard tournament, and finally Club and Dorm specific events. Skye states, “ I would like to see an area with private Forums, so Clubs could set up their own activities and events without them getting "lost in the feed". Annie also suggests that Gringotts Wizarding Bank be brought back, as it adds individuality to each user.

On a closing note, Annie expresses some positive thoughts about HIH, “I love that I can learn so much more about the magical world and that so much effort goes into the lessons and books.” Skye Lunar continues with her admiration for the class work and lessons, “They're so in-depth, they help me to explore the world of Harry Potter in ways I never dreamed possible.” What does this mean for the future of Hogwarts Is Here? Can we expect to see any other improvements made to the site and will there be any upcoming games and activities? Only time can tell.



Ask Ivy!

Written by Ivy Nettlebed

Edited by Denise Crume

Has your cauldron gone cold? Can’t find your recipe for fried fresh water plimpies? Then it’s time to ask Ivy!


My dear readers, as some of you may already know, due to an unfortunate magical accident I have recently lost about 23% of my memory. The good news is, as my family will attest, my recipes are all 78% accurate! So, if you need some help in the kitchen, I’m your witch!


First let me just mention my dear helper whom I could not leave without, Tiggy. Tiggy is my house elf and for those of my readers who are members of E.L.F. (the Elf Liberation Front) please know that Tiggy is paid well for her services as a free house elf. She is also an absolute wonder in the kitchen.


That being said, I submit to you a recipe that Tiggy has helped me remember. In our little cottage we call it a Nutty Chicken Blankets these are similar to what Muggles call wrap sandwiches. The first step is to determine how many witches and wizards you are feeding and how many blankets you need. My children love these and as they are resistant to spoiling they are great to pack on field trips where food may be sparse like excursions into the Dark Forest. The recipe is as follows:


Nutty Chicken Blankets

one (1) package of sandwich wraps (found in muggle grocery stores or you can ask your house elf to whip some up from scratch)

coleslaw mix (you can prepare shredded cabbage and carrots from scratch or pick up a bag at the muggle grocery store)

a package of sliced deli chicken breast or tenders pre-cooked (found also in the muggle grocery store)

peanut butter (chunky or smooth, just go with your mood)

teriyaki sauce


Depending on how many blankets you wish to make you will need about one tablespoon of peanut butter per blanket. Measure the peanut butter into a microwave safe dish, if you are using three or more spoonfuls then you will add a tablespoon full of teriyaki sauce to the peanut butter. If you are only making one blanket then just use a dash of teriyaki sauce.


Cover the dish with paper towel and microwave until the peanut butter is melted (any where from 45 seconds to a minute or longer depending on how much peanut butter you are using and for longer times stir often). I have a feeling I may have forgotten something but if it’s an ingredient I can’t remember then it’s probably not worth adding.


Now, with your wand you can then spread the peanut butter, teriyaki sauce mix over your blankets, fill them with the coleslaw mix and chicken, wrap up snug and enjoy!


Have you got a question or a recipe you would like share? Send me an Owl!



art by Joanna Quinn


Hans the Augurey- Not the First of Many Mistreated Mascots

By Rubi Vargas

Edited by Denise Crume


Wizards and witches of all ages have eagerly awaited the start of the Quidditch World Cup, a highly anticipated showdown in the Patagonian Desert which has now been whittled down to America v. Brazil and Japan v. Bulgaria. However, most fans remain blissfully unaware of the true atrocities that occur during each Quidditch World Cup. The mistreatment of the magical creatures brought by countries as their mascots.


The opening ceremony was obscured by the bloodbath between the Norwegian Sulma and the Fijian Dukuwaqa as well as the invasion of Inferi from the Haitian team. These atrocities were just a mere peak at the true abuse that occurs behind the scenes. Such issues have finally come to light after America's victory over Liechtenstein with the supposed kidnapping of Liechtenstein's mascot, Hans the Augurey. Hundreds of tearful Liechtenstein fans accused the American team of Hans' disappearance, threatening to have them disqualified unless they returned their beloved mascot. Though the American team had nothing to do with the kidnapping, the excitable American fans seemed to be the culprits in the eyes of many fans.


OR WERE THEY?


There is reason to believe that perhaps Hans was not kidnapped, rather, he ran away to escape the abuse of his captors who parade him around their country and force him to advertise their disgusting and unhealthy cereal. Magizoologist Lionel Verdoff has yielded some startling news that may point to such.


"Auguries are, by nature, very depressed creatures. I believe it's quite possible that Hans ran away to join the Americans in their celebration to cheer himself up."


It would be no surprise that Hans would seek the aid of the Americans to attain his freedom. Even so, America is not so innocent when it comes to their own mascots. Rumors have circulated that America had initially tried to bring, not a magical creature as all other teams do, but a simple bald eagle named Jon. Jon, who was thought to possess some sort of magical quality, was discovered to simply have been charmed to shoot red, white, and blue sparks with each flap of his wings and play the American National Anthem upon opening his beak, though it was horribly off-pitch.


Though Americans deny this rumor of their inhumane treatment towards non-magical animals, it pales in comparison to what the Australians of 1998 did. The Australian team came into the stadium riding upon the backs of acromantulas, who promptly turned savage and began attacking everyone in the vicinity. Apparently the poor acromantulas-- who are naturally excitable and untamable creatures-- were horrifyingly mistreated during their training and simply lashed out in righteous fury for being treated like common ponies. To make matters worse, the acromantulas were stunned several times before they were taken away.


Even so, Swedish manager Elena Stravis accused Australian manager Joshua Ellis of having his acromantulas devour New Zealand's mascot. Ellis denied those accusations on the pretext of the Swedish mascot, a Crumpled-Horned Snorkack, doesn't exist. Stravis, bitter over the Australians not being disqualified and the denial of the endangered Crumpled-Horned Snorkack being eaten, later tried to hatch a basilisk to devour the acromantulas, and was promptly sent home as a result.


The Quidditch committee has always been strict as to the type of mascots allowed, which is why it remains a mystery as to how Haiti was able to transport a horde of Inferi to the stadium. A thorough investigation is currently being conducted.


Hans, however, returned seemingly uninjured though quite melancholy at the fact that he will soon be starring in a commercial for second-rate cookies. However, at the prompting of Lionel Verdoff, Hans will being seeing a therapist to work through his depression. Additionally, America's former mascot, Jon the Eagle, has gotten the charm taken off of him after injuring three people with the freedom fireworks that shot out from his wings.


Looking Ahead to the New Quidditch Season

Written by Jenny Harper

Edited by: Shelby Hastings


With the 2014/15 Quidditch season just days away, today we’re looking ahead to what promises to be an exciting season. The top league in the country, the British and Ireland league, looks more open than ever. Last year on the last day of the season, we saw Appleby Arrows secure the title with a win over Montrose Magpies. At the same time, Pride of Portree fell to a shock home defeat to Holyhead Harpies (who themselves finished the season in 11th). This meant the league went to the Arrows in one of the closest British and Ireland Quidditch League campaigns of recent years.


Over the off-season, a number of interesting transfers were made as Appleby looked to strengthen their title-winning squad. Likewise, Pride of Portree, who came so close to pipping the Arrows at the last hurdle have also made a number of signings, including a number of players from the amateur leagues. Other teams, who have been busy in the transfer market over the off-season, include Tushill Tornados and Falmouth Falcons.

The opening weekend sees Appleby Arrows hosting the Wimbourne Wasps while Pride of Portree make the (relatively) short journey to the Montrose Magpies. Due to the league having an odd number of teams, Wigtown Wanderers have a first week bye.


The three premier amateur leagues in the British Isles, that is the North of England Quidditch League, the South of England Quidditch League and the Ireland Quidditch League, are also starting soon. While perhaps lacking the glamour of their older brother, these three leagues are fast growing in popularity, especially as many of the players from this league go onto play Quidditch professionally (not necessarily in the Britain and Ireland Quidditch League), thus the league can be seen as a first glimpse of some of the future stars.


There are also a number of interesting match ups for opening weekend. In the South of Britain Quidditch League, last season’s champions, Brockenhurst Blue Dragons, face an opening weekend derby against fellow Hampshire side Holybourne Hornets, while last season’s surprise package, Framlingham Firestorm travel to Chepstow, who finished last season in 7th. Dulverton Dynamos, who finished bottom of the table last season, take on Welsh side Brecon Boomers.


In the North of Britain Quidditch League, champions Haltwhistle Hurricanes open their season with a tie against Alnwick Allstars, while the team who finished second, Ullapool Harriers take on the team that finished last last season, Ulverston Regals.


Finally, in the Ireland Quidditch League, last seasons’ champions Waterville Waves travel to the Athlone Athletes, who finished the season in second. The team finishing last, Carryduff Cyclones begin the season with a home tie against


The teams of the three premier amateur leagues have added a lot of new faces over the summer, mainly youngsters graduating from Hogwarts (and in some cases Beauxbatons, Durmstrang and further afield) who have been unable to secure a contract with a professional team. However, as mentioned, many of these players playing in the amateur leagues gone on to play professional Quidditch. In addition, a number of teams have one or two experienced players who formerly played Quidditch professionally


First week fixtures:


British and Ireland Quidditch League

Appleby Arrows v Wimbourne Wasps

Balleycastle Batts v Holyhead Harpies

Falmouth Falcons v Caerphilly Catapults

Kenmare Kestrals v Chudley Cannons

Montrose Magpies v Pride of Portree

Tutshill Tornados v Puddlemere United:

Bye: Wigtown Wanderers


North of Britain Quidditch League:


Castleford United v Thursk Thunder

Denbigh Dynamite v Kirkwall Knights

Haltwhistle Hurricanes v Alnwick Allstars

Ullapool Harriers v Ulverston Regals

Whitby Wildcats v Portpatrick Pirates


South of Britain Quidditch League:

Brockenhurst Blue Dragons v Holybourne Hornets
Chepstow Chasers v Framlingham Firestorm
Dulverton Dynamos v Brecon Boomers
Haverfordwest Hawks v Bicester Beavers
Stroud Swans v Whitchurch Warriors

Ireland Quidditch League

Athlone Athletes v Waterville Waves
Ballybunion Blazers v Roscommon Racers
Carryduff Cyclones v Aclare Arrows
Drogheda Dolphins v Carlingford Chargers
Kilkeel Kings v Kinsale United

Next time we’ll be looking across the Pond to see how the US Quiddtich League is shaping up ahead of the new Quidditch season.



art by Laura Lidadell

Movie Night Madness-The Mayhem for the Must-See Movies and Musicals

By Rubi Vargas

Edited by Denise Crume


As people dueled over the limited amount of seats available last Saturday for the chance to view two fan-made movies that could just have easily been viewed on Youtube (a fascinating muggle website on the interwebby that is abundant in videos, particular those featuring cats), others had RSVPed or managed to snag a seat amid the bloodshed and tears by arriving early. As people vented about the limited seating area in the comments section (which thankfully did not possess the appalling grammar common to Youtube on the innerwebs), the staff on Hogwarts is Here decided to fix this problem, and limit the body count, by providing another viewing on Sunday along with a third mystery viewing.


The two movies shown on Saturday, June 21, were “The Greater Good” and “The Battle of Hogwarts.” “The Greater Good” depicted the earlier years of Albus Dumbledore and Gellert Grindlewald when they had worked to find the fabled Deathly Hallows until their unfortunate split.


As one anonymous commenter stated, “It was the worst beach break-up since Charles and Erik from X-Men First Class.”


To which another commenter added, “Or like Ten and Rose from Doctor Who.”


This reporter does not know who any of those people are, but the heartbreak coming from those commenting was moving nonetheless.


The second movie, “The Battle of Hogwarts,” provided some insight on the story of some of the many students recruited in what was essentially a child army used to combat the trained serial killers invading their school. Even wizards have their own versions of school shootings, which are done by cool Star Trek-like laser beam spells. Let the tragedy of these events never be forgotten.


Even so, what was the mystery viewing on Sunday?


For those who missed the Sunday showing, or both showings for the matter, there have been various rumors circulating about what the movie was. Some theorize that it was a propaganda film that resulted in the "Hufflepuff Glitch", which converted everyone to a Hufflepuff for a short time days later. Unfortunately, the staff at HiH has denied such claims, and not even Hufflepuffs, who are famed for being good finders, were unable to find any evidence pointing to such. Others state that it was a short film called “Sirius Black and the Secret Keeper,” but that's absurd. Should anyone care to watch it though, it is available on Youtube on the immerwib.


Additionally, Friday, June 27, another movie, or rather musical, aired in the Auditorium. It was none other than "A Very Potter Musical", a fan-made documentary by Starkid. With wonderful music and humorous twists on everyone's favorite Hogwarts alum such as Draco Malfoy, Severus Snape, and Lord Voldemort himself, AVPM is a must see for any witch or wizard. Two show times for US and UK times were provided to avoid the injury, threats, and one rabid manticore that occurred last time as a result of limiting seating. Hopefully the nargles won't be around to make the interwibbly go wobbly. AVPM is also available on Youtube via the interwimble, along with its respective follow-ups, A Very Potter Sequel and A Very Potter Senior Year.


So to anyone who missed the showings, go onto Youtube on the illerweeble and prepare to sob over "The Greater Good", "The Battle of Hogwarts", and "Sirius Black and the Secret Keeper." Then laugh away your sorrow with the totally awesome "A Very Potter Musical" and some delicious Red Vines. Because you will always feel better after some Red Vines.


Please note, neither Starkid nor Hogwarts is Here will be responsible if you die of laughter or choke on a Red Vine while laughing. Besides, isn't dying better with a Red Vine? This story was brought to you by Red Vines, because what the hell can't they do?





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