Many of the times people call me sensitive for crying for something it is because of a fight going inside me. I am in a constant fight with myself and I hate seeing that I have to come to a point where I am getting mad at my own self for things that go through my head. When my dad gets mad at me and begins screaming at meI always go straight to lean on thoughts like "can I just die" or "can I be in a car crash" or "I wish he would actually hurt me and that way he might feel guilty or people might miss me". But then what hurts more than all these thoughts and the times he hurts me is the moment I begin the internal fight that no one hears. I start telling myself things that seem like lies at the moment contradicted to what I just said "are you crazy you don't want to die" or "people already love you" or "why are you always wanting to hurt yourself". It's sad that I have to fight with myself at all. Then there's the things no one sees happen. When I bang my head as hard as I can with my fist. When I hit myself in a head with a book. What's worse is regretting all these things when I see how much pain I'm causing myself.


Thanks for hearing what I had to say. I appreciate it!
-VENT OUT