some random stuff

it gets cringe starting when draco tells albus to spy for him. anyway hope u dont die of cringe!

Last Updated

11/07/21

Chapters

1

Reads

322

NOOOOOOOOOOOO -dies of cringe-

Chapter 1

       Movie script from a plot generator:


INT. SYDNEY OPERA HOUSE - AFTERNOON


 


Brave swordsman MR HARRY JAMES POTTER is arguing with caring navigator MR SEVERUS SNAPE. HARRY JAMES tries to hug SEVERUS but he shakes him off.


 


HARRY JAMES


Please Severus, don't leave me.


SEVERUS


I'm sorry Harry James, but I'm looking for somebody a bit more brave. Somebody who faces his fears head on, instead of running away.


HARRY JAMES


I am such a person!


SEVERUS frowns.


 


SEVERUS


I'm sorry, Harry James. I just don't feel excited by this relationship anymore.


SEVERUS leaves.


 


HARRY JAMES sits down, looking defeated.


 


Moments later, fierce shopkeeper MR RONALD BILIUS WEASLEY barges in looking flustered.


 


HARRY JAMES


Goodness, Ronald Bilius! Is everything okay?


RONALD BILIUS


I'm afraid not.


HARRY JAMES


What is it? Don't keep me in suspense...


RONALD BILIUS


It's ... a vampire ... I saw an evil vampire rob a bunch of elderly gents!


HARRY JAMES


Defenseless elderly gents?


RONALD BILIUS


Yes, defenseless elderly gents!


HARRY JAMES


Bloomin' cheese, Ronald Bilius! We've got to do something.


RONALD BILIUS


I agree, but I wouldn't know where to start.


HARRY JAMES


You can start by telling me where this happened.


RONALD BILIUS


I was...


RONALD BILIUS fans himself and begins to wheeze.


 


HARRY JAMES


Focus Ronald Bilius, focus! Where did it happen?


RONALD BILIUS


Chippewa Square, Savannah! That's right - Chippewa Square, Savannah!


HARRY JAMES springs up and begins to run.


 


 


EXT. A ROAD - CONTINUOUS


 


HARRY JAMES rushes along the street, followed by RONALD BILIUS. They take a short cut through some back gardens, jumping fences along the way.


 


 


EXT. CHIPPEWA SQUARE, SAVANNAH - SHORTLY AFTER


 


VOLDE MORT a thoughtless vampire terrorises two elderly gents.


 


HARRY JAMES, closely followed by RONALD BILIUS, rushes towards VOLDE, but suddenly stops in his tracks.


 


RONALD BILIUS


What is is? What's the matter?


HARRY JAMES


That's not just any old vampire, that's Volde Mort!


RONALD BILIUS


Who's Volde Mort?


HARRY JAMES


Who's Volde Mort? Who's Volde Mort? Only the most thoughtless vampire in the universe!


RONALD BILIUS


Blinkin' knickers, Harry James! We're going to need some help if we're going to stop the most thoughtless vampire in the universe!


HARRY JAMES


You can say that again.


RONALD BILIUS


Blinkin' knickers, Harry James! We're going to need some help if we're going to stop the most thoughtless vampire in the universe!


HARRY JAMES


I'm going to need swords, lots of swords.


Volde turns and sees Harry James and Ronald Bilius. He grins an evil grin.


 


VOLDE


Harry James Potter, we meet again.


RONALD BILIUS


You've met?


HARRY JAMES


Yes. It was a long, long time ago...


 


EXT. A PARK - BACK IN TIME


 


A young HARRY JAMES is sitting in a park listening to some orchestral music, when suddenly a dark shadow casts over him.


 


He looks up and sees VOLDE. He takes off his headphones.


 


VOLDE


Would you like some wine gums?


HARRY JAMES's eyes light up, but then he studies VOLDE more closely, and looks uneasy.


 


HARRY JAMES


I don't know, you look kind of thoughtless.


VOLDE


Me? No. I'm not thoughtless. I'm the least thoughtless vampire in the world.


HARRY JAMES


Wait, you're a vampire?


HARRY JAMES runs away, screaming.


 


 


EXT. CHIPPEWA SQUARE, SAVANNAH - PRESENT DAY


 


VOLDE


You were a coward then, and you are a coward now.


RONALD BILIUS


(To HARRY JAMES) You ran away?


HARRY JAMES


(To RONALD BILIUS) I was a young child. What was I supposed to do?


HARRY JAMES turns to VOLDE.


 


HARRY JAMES


I may have run away from you then, but I won't run away this time!


HARRY JAMES runs away.


 


He turns back and shouts.


 


HARRY JAMES


I mean, I am running away, but I'll be back - with swords.


VOLDE


I'm not scared of you.


HARRY JAMES


You should be.


 


INT. A SWEET SHOP - LATER THAT DAY


 


HARRY JAMES and RONALD BILIUS walk around searching for something.


 


HARRY JAMES


I feel sure I left my swords somewhere around here.


RONALD BILIUS


Are you sure? It does seem like an odd place to keep deadly swords.


HARRY JAMES


You know nothing Ronald Bilius Weasley.


RONALD BILIUS


We've been searching for ages. I really don't think they're here.


Suddenly, VOLDE appears, holding a pair of swords.


 


VOLDE


Looking for something?


RONALD BILIUS


Crikey, Harry James, he's got your swords.


HARRY JAMES


Tell me something I don't already know!


RONALD BILIUS


The earth's circumference at the equator is about 40,075 km.


HARRY JAMES


I know that already!


RONALD BILIUS


I like the smell of burnt rice.


VOLDE


(appalled) Dude!


While VOLDE is looking at RONALD BILIUS with disgust, HARRY JAMES lunges forward and grabs his deadly swords. He wields them, triumphantly.


 


HARRY JAMES


Prepare to die, you thoughtless potato!


VOLDE


No please! All I did was rob a bunch of elderly gents!


SEVERUS enters, unseen by any of the others.


 


HARRY JAMES


I cannot tolerate that kind of behaviour! Those elderly gents were defenceless! Well now they have a defender - and that's me! Harry James Potter defender of innocent elderly gents.


VOLDE


Don't hurt me! Please!


HARRY JAMES


Give me one good reason why I shouldn't use these swords on you right away!


VOLDE


Because Harry James, I am your father.


HARRY JAMES looks stunned for a few moments, but then collects himself.


 


HARRY JAMES


No you're not!


VOLDE


Ah well, it had to be worth a try.


VOLDE tries to grab the swords but HARRY JAMES dodges out of the way.


 


HARRY JAMES


Who's the daddy now? Huh? Huh?


Unexpectedly, VOLDE slumps to the ground.


 


RONALD BILIUS


Did he just faint?


HARRY JAMES


I think so. Well that's disappointing. I was rather hoping for a more dramatic conclusion, involving my deadly swords.


HARRY JAMES crouches over VOLDE's body.


 


RONALD BILIUS


Be careful, Harry James. It could be a trick.


HARRY JAMES


No, it's not a trick. It appears that... It would seem... Volde Mort is dead!


HARRY JAMES


What?


HARRY JAMES


Yes, it appears that I scared him to death.


RONALD BILIUS claps his hands.


 


RONALD BILIUS


So your swords did save the day, after all.


SEVERUS steps forward.


 


SEVERUS


Is it true? Did you kill the thoughtless vampire?


HARRY JAMES


Severus how long have you been...?


SEVERUS puts his arm around HARRY JAMES.


 


SEVERUS


Long enough.


HARRY JAMES


Then you saw it for yourself. I killed Volde Mort.


SEVERUS


Then the elderly gents are safe?


HARRY JAMES


It does seem that way!


A crowd of vulnerable elderly gents enter, looking relived.


 


SEVERUS


You are their hero.


The elderly gents bow to HARRY JAMES.


 


HARRY JAMES


There is no need to bow to me. I seek no worship. The knowledge that Volde Mort will never rob elderly gents ever again, is enough for me.


SEVERUS


You are humble as well as brave!


One of the elderly gents passes HARRY JAMES a gold talisman


 


SEVERUS


I think they want you to have it, as a symbol of their gratitude.


HARRY JAMES


I couldn't possibly.


Pause.


 


HARRY JAMES


Well, if you insist.


HARRY JAMES takes the talisman.


 


HARRY JAMES


Thank you.


The elderly gents bow their heads once more, and leave.


 


HARRY JAMES turns to SEVERUS.


 


HARRY JAMES


Does this mean you want me back?


SEVERUS


Oh, Harry James, of course I want you back!


HARRY JAMES smiles for a few seconds, but then looks defiant.


 


HARRY JAMES


Well you can't have me.


SEVERUS


WHAT?


HARRY JAMES


You had no faith in me. You had to see my scare a vampire to death before you would believe in me. I don't want a lover like that.


SEVERUS


But...


HARRY JAMES


Please leave. I want to spend time with the one person who stayed with me through thick and thin - my best friend, Ronald Bilius.


RONALD BILIUS grins.


 


SEVERUS


But...


RONALD BILIUS


You heard the gentleman. Now be off with you. Skidaddle! Shoo!


SEVERUS


Harry James?


HARRY JAMES


I'm sorry Severus, but I think you should skidaddle.


SEVERUS leaves.


 


RONALD BILIUS turns to HARRY JAMES.


 


RONALD BILIUS


Did you mean that? You know ... that I'm your best friend?


HARRY JAMES


Of course you are!


The two walk off arm in arm.


 


Suddenly RONALD BILIUS stops.


 


RONALD BILIUS


When I said I like the smell of burnt rice, you know I was just trying to distract the vampire don't you?


THE END


Part 2 (Made by me this time. Also I made up Blaise’s middle name. Also this is theater play script now instead of movie.)


HARRY JAMES is at his house with DRACO LUCIUS, RONALD BILIUS, BLAISE HYPERIUS, and some kids.


KAIRON HARRY


I won’t! I won’t put slime in his shoe!


LUCIUS ARTHUR


C’mon, it’s a dare Kai!


ALBUS BLAISE


Oh, stop it you two.


DRACO RONALD


You wanted to put slime in my shoe?


LUCIUS ARTHUR


Er…no?...


KAIRON HARRY (shouting)
YES, YES HE DID!


(Pause.)


DRACO RONALD


You did?


LUCIUS ARTHUR


Fine. No use pretending. Yes. I did.


DRACO RONALD


Dad! He wanted to make Kai put slime in my shoes!


HARRY JAMES


(sigh) I knew he would do that.


KAIRON HARRY


He - wanted to make - me do it.


ALBUS BLAISE


And he told me the plan. I can tell it to you.


DRACO RONALD


Yeah. Tell me now.


ALBUS BLAISE tells DRACO RONALD the plan of LUCIUS ARTHUR.


ALBUS BLAISE


-so he decided to make Kai do it, since Kai’s very good at hiding and escaping and stuff. He didn’t realize Kai didn’t want to do it. Well that’s it.


DRACO RONALD (whispering)


Alright. Spy on him for me won’t you?


ALBUS BLAISE (whispering)


Sure. In return for painted rocks. To complete my collection. And new cloaks.


DRACO RONALD


Alright.


LUCIUS ARTHUR


Oi, what are you whispering about?


DRACO RONALD


Nothing.


LUCIUS ARTHUR


Well then c’mon! Let’s get into Kai’s room!


KAIRON HARRY


I don’t see why not.


Kairon, Lucius, Albus and Draco have walked to Kairon’s room.


ALBUS


Hmm…I think I’m going to get started on some plans to invade that secret hideout of that Wulfric Snape.


LUCIUS


Alright. I’ll prepare some Dungbombs.


DRACO


I’ll get started on the arrows.


KAIRON


I think I’ll make some swords.


They get to work.


ALBUS (scribbling maps and notes)


Lu?


LUCIUS (putting dirty soil into flimsy plastic spheres)


Yes?


ALBUS


What’s the emergency plan again when- (he corrects himself mid-sentence.)  -if we get caught?


LUCIUS


Fling Dungbombs and shoot some arrows to distract them. Then escape through window.


ALBUS (writing what he’s saying on the paper)
Right. Distraction: Fling Dungbombs. Shoot arrows. Escapeway: Window.


LUCIUS
Ex - actly. I’m done with the Dungbombs. Exactly 37 bombs. And a half.


DRACO


How in the flipping cheese is there a half-Dungbomb?


LUCIUS


Dunno. Granger told me there could be a half-Dungbomb.


DRACO


Granger? William Granger? Never thought he’d think impossibilities were possible.


LUCIUS


Well if he says it, it’s possible. I mean, he’s like the smartest-


DRACO


Alright, alright, shush now. I’m done with the arrows. Kai, do you have the bag?


KAIRON


Yep. And the swords.

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