Friends: A Slytherins Guide To Bribery, Extortion, And Exploitation

This life-changing book will take you through: the simplest and quickest means to obtain friends; the ways in which said friends can be used to your advantage; and the proper way to cash in on the investment you have made in these companionships.

*Please note that this book is the work of a true Slytherin, though editing was outsourced to a Ravenclaw. As one does.

Last Updated







Chapter 5

Exploitation: Give a Little, Get a Lot


Exploitation in friendship is a concept that may need a little explaining. However, once you understand you will no doubt realize you've been doing it all your life! It's that easy!

Every person has a weakness, an Achilles Heel. Once you find this weakness, you naturally try your best to use it to your advantage. For example: If someone is too lazy to edit their own book and one of your universally accepted skills is writing. Or, if someone didn't study and is about to fail their class, what could it possibly be but an opportunity to you? Use your other friends and connections to help him cheat and he'll owe you a favor. This is a very basic way to obtain a “solid” as defined in Chapter Two. If he seems hesitant, make sure to play to his greatest fears: if he fails Potions, he'll have to be a second year forever; his parents will be so disappointed; he'll be the laughingstock of the school for generations to come; he will be called worse than a squib and equated to a filthy half-breed groundskeeper with a big heart and comprehensive knowledge of magical creatures!

Always, always make use of situations like this that arise in everyday life. Without proper attention you may not notice such opportunities until they pass you by, so you must constantly be aware of the situations around you in your class, House, lunch table, etc. Such opportunities may include detention with someone you can pry information from, the mutual hatred you share of a third party, or a common goal like the House Cup. These are chances that may seem unsustainable for long periods of time, but they are actually an opportunity to form a “bond” with your target and learn more about them. This is information which you can later use for subjugation,  blackmail, and — of course — further contacts.

If these opportunities do not arise in a way that is convenient for forwarding your individual goals, then you can create the situations yourself! A good way to do this is to bet on the outcome of some event — a quidditch game or a dueling match. Offer them a fair deal, and they'll trust you to keep your word. Of course, you should always be sure to rig the game long before you even offer the terms of the bet. Remember, if you're not in control then someone else is! Exploit the temptation of a bet for fantastic rewards:  gain a slave for a day, a new goon for the year, or even a source of income to fund bribes. The friendship possibilities are endless!

Hogwarts is Here © 2022 was made for fans, by fans, and is not endorsed or supported directly or indirectly with Warner Bros. Entertainment, JK Rowling, Wizarding World Digital, or any of the official Harry Potter trademark/right holders.
Powered by minervaa